


Goodknight, Q

by StarTrekkin08



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exhaustion, F/M, Fear, Fights, Forgiveness, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:13:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29119509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTrekkin08/pseuds/StarTrekkin08
Summary: Q wants to help the captain and commander but things don't go as planned.
Relationships: Chakotay & Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay & Tuvok (Star Trek), Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Harry Kim & Tom Paris
Comments: 69
Kudos: 61





	1. Knighthood

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the warning tags. This is my first attempt at a "dark" or "dark-ish" fic or dabble in it. It's a bit out of my comfort zone.
> 
> No betas this time. (Sorry.) It's all me. I wanted to put it out before I got lazy again and hesitated. Like I said, this is a bit out of my comfort zone and may not be the smoothest with the re-work.

“I’m excited about this one, Tom,” Harry said as they walked down the corridor side-by-side.

“Me, too. Most of the crew is involved in it! I didn’t expect this program to be so popular. B’Elanna is going to join us when she gets off duty. She had to finish a calibration,” Tom replied.

“Well, it has been pretty tense on the bridge lately.”

Tom chuckled and said, “You can say that again. I wonder what it was all about.”

“The fight from the other night?” Harry asked.

Voyager’s pilot answered, “No one is saying anything. Have you heard anything?”

“If you don’t know then I don’t know,” Harry said.

They walked down the hallway clad in chainmail, belts, helmets, swords, and shields. Chakotay approached them with his metal helmet tucked under his arm.

Tom said low, “Speaking of the devil. What are the chances you think he’ll tell us what really happened?”

“Unlikely,” Harry responded quietly.

“Ready to go fight the French?” Chakotay asked the two men once he got closer.

“Absolutely,” Harry said, while Tom pressed the Holodeck buttons to activate the program.

…

Captain Janeway was tired after her shift. She quickly ate something in the mess hall and went to deck three. As she approached her quarters, Kathryn figured she would take a nice bath and then head straight to bed. The door to her quarters swept open and she made her way to her dresser. The day’s constant back-and-forth handling of PADDS swirled in her mind. She took off her combadge and placed it on her nightstand before she took her jacket off and tossed it onto the bed.

Soon she felt the warm water and bubbles surround her body, sinking into her bones. Her mind wandered in a thousand directions. Her friendship with Chakotay had strained to a breaking point. Or was it already broken? Kathryn didn’t know. The warmth did little to put her at ease and the water began to cool.

“Stressful day?” said a voice next to her.

She jerked in surprise in the water. “Q! Get out! Have you absolutely no sense of privacy?” She exclaimed as she quickly tried to cover up with her hands before the bubbles completely disappeared.

Q was sitting on the edge of the tub with legs crossed. “No, well...No, no I don’t,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“Leave!” the captain ordered.

“Your head is still swirling about that argument you had with Chuckles, isn’t it? You can’t get it out of your head,” he teased, holding a towel out to her off the tips of his fingers.

“That’s none of your business, Q,” she growled as she snatched the towel out of his hands.

“Oh, but it is. I owe you a favor,” he said.

“I don’t need it, thank you, unless it means you’ll take us closer to the Alpha Quadrant.”

“Although I don’t understand the attraction to Chuckles,” he continued as if she never replied. “I’ll give him a chance.”

Kathryn looked at him, nonplussed.

Q scanned her with his eyes and said, “Yes, I believe red will do,” he said to himself before snapping his fingers.

They reappeared on top of a grassy hill. Kathryn was in a royal red dress with a crown around her head. Her hair had become long again, resting over her shoulders. Q was in royal French king garb in periwinkle blue and red with the fleur-de-lis. His arm was outstretched towards the valley below them.

“Soon your first officer and his fellow English soldiers will come to this field to fight the French soldiers under my control.”

Kathryn sighed and brought a hand to her face. “You brought me to Tom’s holodeck simulation? For what purpose?”

He smirked as he said, “When they enter the holodeck they will believe it is Tommy boy’s silly holodeck program. However, it is not one of your silly recreational photon playthings. It is real, very, real.”

She crossed her arms. “You will just make your army unbeatable. Take me back, Q.”

“Tsk, tsk, Kathy. I will do no such thing. Too boring.”

He added, “They will need to fight my forces and Chuckles needs to find and take you from that castle,” he pointed to behind them.

“And if he doesn’t?”

“If not, you travel a year in the continuum with me and Q, junior. One Earth year, that is.”

“What? Q, no! Don’t do this!” she threw her arms down at her sides and shouted before he snapped his fingers once again.

...

“Are you ready?!” Tom shouted to the crew who gathered to join in the program. There were sounds of excitement as they lined up to face their enemy. There certainly was a good crowd gathered. It looked like Harry and Tom were not the only ones feeling the tension from recent days.

Suddenly, a bright flash appeared between Tom and the others.

“Now, now, Tommy Boy. You don’t know all the rules to this game,” Q stated and waggled his index finger at him, “Oh, and don’t bother with your combadges. They won’t work.”

“Q!” B’Elanna shouted, angry that he was interrupting their program.

“What are you doing here, Q?” Chakotay barked with his hand tightening around his sword’s hilt.

“Because of you, commander. Confused? Well, Chuckles, I will need to tell you all the rules first. Your crew are no longer on the holodeck. You are going to fight my French forces and try to win in this very real campaign,” he said.

Chakotay growled, “We won’t play in your little game, Q!”

“Oh, but you have no choice, Chuckles.”

Chakotay asked, “What if we don’t play along?”

“Well,” Q rolled his head as if in thought, “I guess that means you’ll be captain for a year...mmmmm...possibly longer.”

He blinked. “What do you mean, ‘captain for a year’?” Chakotay yelled with frustration and shuffled uncomfortably.

Q said sweetly, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be a captain again? Not having to follow orders? You can get a room upgrade with a tub. I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“What did you mean, ‘captain for a year’?” Chakotay bellowed.

“Oh, dear Commander Chuckles. I’ll take Kathy on a visit to the Q Continuum and off of your…” he looked at his hilt, “...very large hands. ”

Chakotay pointed his sword towards Q’s neck. Before Chakotay could speak, Q exclaimed, “It looks like we’re ready to begin, then! You have half an hour to prepare. Don’t worry, Chuckles. I’ll take care of Kathy!” He then snapped his fingers, disappearing in an instant.

“Commander, do you think he’s serious?” asked Harry.

“I don’t know. In our last encounters he never lied about anything even though he is a prick,” Chakotay grumbled.

“It’s probably best if we assume it is real and that we risk real injury to them and ourselves,” Tom said.

“I don’t know who to feel more sorry for: us or the captain,” said B’Elanna.

Chakotay clenched his jaw.

…

“Q, let me out of here!” Janeway demanded after trying to unlock the wooden door. They were in a bedroom on the castle's top floor, of course.

“Care for a pastry?” Q muffled with cream filling covering his mouth. He stuffed his face with a pastry from a silver platter on the small wooden table and filled a goblet with ale like a glutton.

She glared at him from the door and said, “Bring me back to my ship, Q. Now.”

“Are you sure you don't want one? It will be awhile.” Kathryn walked over to a window which overlooked the field and became more unsettled when she saw both forces. There was no place for them to hide or retreat on the front. It was a self-contained war of Q’s making.

“No one will die, right, Q?” she asked to his face.

“I said it was real and well, death is such a linear term, isn’t it?”

Kathryn now had a worried look on her face as she looked back down at the field outside of the barred window.


	2. Battle

“I wonder if they will tire out. The soldiers, I mean... they are Q’s French soldiers,” Ayala asked as he pat one of their horses.

“I sure hope so,” Tom replied.

Chakotay said, “We have a plan. We’ll stick with it until or unless we have to implement our plan B. Tom, Mike, rally the troops.”

‘I sure hope we know what we’re doing,” Chakotay thought to himself as launched himself on top of the horse.

….

Kathryn couldn’t tell who was who except for the knowledge that the mixes of the reds were the English and blues were the French. Was all of this really because of a recent argument she and her first officer had? However, Q was right about one thing; it was constantly in her mind. It wasn’t just an argument; it was a full-blown screaming and bellowing match that was held in her quarters. It had followed upon arrival from a planet they just visited known as F’Leil .

Chakotay accused her of appearing...  
She told him so what if she did. It was her decision.  
He warned her and called her a...  
She called him a…

It was the worst fight she’d ever experienced. Horrible, horrible things were said and the hurt ran deep. Bordering unforgivable. All because of the wrong place, wrong time. It was so intense that even Tuvok and his security visited her quarters after multiple reports had been made about the disturbance. Even though he was a Vulcan, Kathryn could tell Tuvok held legitimate concern on his face before hesitating to leave. She and Chakotay hardly spoke since. Since then, communication was primarily done through PADDS of intermediaries they had chosen to relay information. The crew had been stepping on eggshells for days.

Kathryn sat down on the chair that was next to her, braced her elbows on the table, and buried her face in her arms, cradling the back of her head. Despite the anxiety, she was exhausted beyond reason and it was winning out. She just wanted to sleep and forget everything.

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” Q’s voice said upon return to the table.

She didn’t move or utter a response to him.

Kathryn was startled by the sound of cannon fire shaking the windows. She looked out the window in her weary haze. The fighting had begun. The colors of red, blue, and yellow started to mesh on the field. Her heart was pounding and so was her head.

...

Clashes of swords and wooden shields filled the air. Cannons shredded the earth around them. They found that the injuries were, indeed, real. Ensign Kim had blood tripping from a slice in his left arm. The chainmail definitely added its weight to their sweating bodies. If his horse hadn’t fallen down the way it had, Chakotay would have been crushed by the mammal when he was thrown onto the ground.

A Frenchmen approached Chakotay as he stood back up and B’Elanna stabbed the soldier before he reached the commander. The soldier fell to the ground and she removed her sword from his ribs and wiped the dirt out of her eyes. Chakotay saw a wave of arrows hurtling towards his location and crouched with his raised shield as cries were heard around him at the impact.

“Tom, we need to secure that cannon!” Chakotay yelled as he made a gesture to his English soldiers manning their cannons to fire. Booming sounds hit the opposition as they tried to inch forward. Chakotay ran forward and ran his sword into the abdomen of the red-and-blue uniform with its fleur-de-Lis, dropping the soldier with his retraction of the sword. Another appeared out of the corner of his eye, charging at him with his sword raised. Chakotay bent down, causing the soldier to trip over him as he flailed over his back and onto the ground. One of the English soldier holodeck character simulations stabbed the French charger.

…

They stood staring out of the window. “It’s getting interesting,” said Q, “Your commander and crew are now in the thick of it.”

"Stop this, Q. Now."

"Now, Kathy. This is all for you!"

“Is everyone from the ship fighting in this battle?”

“No, only those who already joined the holodeck program and copies of the holodeck characters who were already in the program.”

That gave her a microscopic sense of relief. “Q, is this really necessary?” she asked and paced back and forth, folding her hands.

“Oh, my dear captain, it is!”

Then, an unfamiliar voice sneered, “This is the captain? Q, you cannot be serious. She has already polluted the continuum with her humanoid Starfleet ideals.”

Q and the captain turned towards the voice in the corner of the room.

“Q! What are you doing here? How did you escape?” said Q in an unwelcome and defensive tone.

The visitor raised his hands in front of him. “I wanted to see what you were up to these days after such a long time. As to my escape, I’ll keep my secrets to myself, if you don’t mind. Now that I’m free, I see you are contaminating yourself and the rest of the Q by involving yourself with these humans, even inviting them to our realm. Disgusting,” the Q spat on the floor. He was dressed in French royal clothing with a crown of his own and a sword at his side. His human form had jet-black hair and beard that contrasted against his strikingly clear icy light-blue eyes.

“Q, who is he?’ Kathryn asked.

Q was tense and he replied, “He’s a Q who was imprisoned for his...unacceptance...of other species, to put it nicely. Q has wiped out multiple species from existence. It’s been so long that even I had forgotten about him.”

“Well, now, that’s insulting. I’m hurt,” he said insincerely and placed a hand on his chest as if wounded while he took three steps forward.

“Does the continuum know you’ve escaped?” Q barked.

Kathryn has rarely ever heard Q shout. She had never heard the angry and defensive tone he was giving this Q visitor. She noticed that Q stepped in front of her, putting himself in the middle. That sent red flags in her mind.

“You know...I don’t know and frankly; I don’t care. They’ll have to do a much better job to capture me. They’ll need to kill me,” the Q visitor said, gripping the sword’s hilt. Q also grabbed his sword.

“What are your intentions, Q?” Q sternly asked the visitor.

“I’m just here to have a little fun...maybe also see my imprisoner squirm just a little.” The Q visitor did not take his cold, conniving, blue eyes off of him as he talked and took another three steps forward. His voice made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

“The Continuum will kill you this time,” Q said.

Kathryn’s gaze went from Q to the other Q, whom she immediately designated as, “Quarrel.”

“Are you quite sure of that?” Quarrel lifted his chin in a show of prowess and his face curled into a devilish smile.

…

Ensign Furman had been badly wounded and had been dragged off away from the fighting by Ayala. Tom was looking out for casualties before the next onslaught reached them. B’Elanna was shouting at the crewmen behind them. Chakotay was in a fighting stance, blood dripping off the edge of his sword, his veins surging with adrenaline. Blood, sweat, and grime covered the red and gold of his uniform and face. Some of it was his, some of it was not. He looked towards the castle, wondering when this would be over and what Q and Kathyrn were doing.

…

Before Kathryn knew it, Quarrel’s flick of his wrist sent Q flying off of his feet and onto the floor. Q tried to snap his powers in defense, but to no avail.

Panting and choking on the floor, Q said, “The pastry? You put the poison in the pastry?!”

“I’ve been imagining this moment for such a long time, Q. I didn't quite expect it to be this way,” he said and smiled sickeningly, “but I’m going to enjoy every second of it.”

Q used his own finger snap and pushed Quarrel back with his powers. However, Quarrel’s shoes only scraped across the wooden floor. Quarrel resisted the full force of Q’s powers as he remained fully upright with hands behind his back. Kathryn made a break for the door and tried opening it. It was still locked, despite both Qs being distracted at the moment. She looked out of the Tudor-style door’s square opening with bars across it. She couldn’t see anyone on the second-story floor. She thought she might give it a shot, yelling, “Is anyone out there?!”

Quarrel said, “It’s no good. I cleared Q’s French castle cronies,” and he threw Q up into the chandelier and against the wall. The force of the slam made Q crumple onto the floor. Quarrel walked over to Q and said while leaning over, “Oh, Q. You’re making this too easy.” He then took Q’s sword into his hands and shattered it. Q attempted to move, but it appeared he was restrained by an invisible force.

Kathryn was in disbelief. It appeared that Q had little power against Quarrel due to whatever Quarrel had done to his food.

“That’s better...but...not quite enough. It’s too easy. I want you to suffer,” he said and looked up in calculating thought. Quarrel went from looking up at the ceiling and to turning and letting his gaze settle on Kathryn. “Let’s have some fun.”

Shivers went down her spine and Kathryn looked around for anything that she could use to defend herself. Besides the table, powder table, armoire, bed, and furniture, there was not much else besides a wash bowl, pitcher, pastry plate, and candles.

 _‘Who am I kidding?_ _Look what he was able to do to Q!’_ she thought and internally processed the impossible situation.

Quarrel walked over to her in determination, his gold royal ruby necklace bouncing off his chest as he did so. He stood face-to-face with her, his breath touching her face. She stood steadfast.

Q weakly said, "Q! She's innocent. She has nothing to do with us. I'm the one you want."

“Oh, shut up, Q.” Quarrel waved his hand and a gag appeared out of thin air and covered Q’s mouth. “Let’s see what’s so fascinating about humans that Q considered mating with you.” he said and slowly glanced down at the cusps of her breasts peeking from her dress. Kathryn stepped back and he advanced.

“Get away from me,” she ordered.

“And what if I don’t?” he moved swiftly at her.

Kathryn pushed him away, which set him off. Quarrel grabbed a fistful of her long hair and slammed her head wall next to the door, causing her head to ricochet. Spots of black and white filled her vision as a result of the impact.

“Q, do something!” she ordered towards the incapacitated Q.

“How pathetic you humans are,” he sneered and grabbed a hold of her neck, squeezing it. Kathryn gasped for air while trying to kick his legs, feet, hit any part of him with her hands, legs, and feet.

“Feisty, aren’t we?” Quarrel said. He removed his hand from her throat and made contact with her face. His slap forced her onto the ground and her crown fell off her head.

“That’s more like it.” He took hold of her legs and dragged her across the floor. Quarrel had a fierce grin on her ankles and moved her as if she was a feather. Her fingers and nails scraped the floorboards as she tried to twist her body and place her weight down. When Q changed her into the clothes, they included no modern undergarments. All she was wearing under the dress was a chemise.

 _‘Q, get up. Do something, please,’_ she urged in her mind, looking at his eyes as she tried her best to escape.


	3. Castle of Gods and Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heed the rape/non-con warning.

“Chakotay, go find the captain! We’ll hold them off!” Ayala shouted.

The English were holding off the French and there was a way for him to break through the front.

Chakotay’s heavy and tired legs took him up the hill that led to the entryway of the castle. The adrenaline was wearing down. He knew he had to keep going. It was odd that Q didn’t have any guards posted outside of the castle and he walked right in.

“Maybe this is some sort of trap?” he said to himself when he still didn’t meet anyone in the main hall. He heard a thump coming from the upper part of the castle and he started to make his way up the winding stone stairs to the second floor. He couldn’t wait for the others. He then heard another, softer thump, and quickened his walk. Chakotay heard shrieks and screams; female ones.

……

“Let me go!” the captain demanded.

“You’re so incredibly weak.” He stopped dragging her on the floor, took off her shoes, and flung them across the room. His hands stroked her feet and he peered down her legs. He stroked behind her thigh and said, “Interesting. We’ll have to take a look at the rest of this...flesh." Kathryn tried to kick him off and thrust her heels towards him.

"Still a fighter," he said and shook his head.

His hand went back to caress her ankle, and then with a quick twist and jolt of his hand, her foot made sickening loud crack. The instant flash of searing, hot pain that shot up from her shattered broken foot was blinding and gasped and cried out at the shock. Quarrel casually resumed dragging her towards the bed, pulling on the injury.

Across the room, Q made protesting sounds through the gag.

“No, no! Let go of me! Let me go!” Kathryn screamed with tears running down her face. The more she writhed, the greater the pain. She felt his powers launch her onto the bed from the floor. Her ankle and foot throbbed. “Why are you doing this?!”

He crawled on top of her and said, “Fun,” he simply stated and took out a dagger from his side and trailed it down the side of her cheek and slowly down her neck. He slowly let the tip drag along the curves of her breasts.

“There is just too much of this..” she shook his head,”...fabric.” The dagger went lower and he made an inch cut up her bodice. He continued to make calculating cuts down the dress, the blade towards her face. “This is too slow,” he spat impatiently. With the dagger still in his grip, with one quick, giant tug her ripped the bodice open with his hands.

She struggled in fury while he exposed her breasts to the air. Quarrel licked his lips. “I like your spirit, captain, even if it is grossly misplaced. Don't worry, though, I will break it.” He sank his teeth into her neck and she cried out. He bit on her trachea and she gulped for breath. Quarrel finally let up and looked down her dress. “You humans really used to wear all of this? It’s so constrictive.” He took hold of his gaudy, heavy, necklace and as he tossed the big necklace, Kathryn did her best to move away and used her elbows to prop herself up and squirmed. He yanked her long hair towards him and sneered, “Where do you think you’re going?” Her head slammed against the intricately carved wooden headboard, causing her head to become even more rattled.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

He waved his hand and her arms flung above her concussed head. Although there was nothing there, she could not move her hands or arms under his powers. He took the dagger and plunged it between her legs, ripping the dress and chemise all the way down. Quarrel peeled back her dress and chemise over her legs as if unwrapping folded tissue paper. His hands slithered upwards and she shuddered. His cold blue eyes made their way up to her naked womanhood. He called over his shoulder to Q, “Really, Q? You wanted the future of Q to come out of...this? How revolting.”

Quarrel’s face changed to the face of a F’Leil. "Remember this face, captain? I don’t understand why the F’Leil men were obsessed with you a few days ago. You know, your first officer was right, you should be more careful. Men may get the wrong may get the wrong impression and have the wrong intentions.” He took the hilt of his dagger and thrust the hilt of it into her vagina. She cried out as the cold, sharp jewel-encrusted edges tore through her walls. He did it again. And again. His face changed constantly to resemble faces of men she knew.

He exposed himself with his other hand and Quarrel leaned his mouth close to her ear. “Now, scream like the human whore you are.”

…

“Captain? Kathryn, is that you?” he yelled and ran up the uneven, spiraling, stone steps.

He made his way to the floor and made it to the first floor he came upon. He peered in but it was empty. The castle’s echoes easily bounded off the walls. He heard another scream. He bolted towards where he thought it was coming from, but still it was a dead end.

“Come on!” he yelled in frustration, looking through each door, not being able to trust his ears.

Chakotay finally reached a door and saw the scene through the small opening in it. Q was either out or barely conscious on the ground. He heard Kathryn's cry out but someone blocked her view of her with their moving body. With each movement they made, he heard Kathryn cry and his stomach dropped to the floor.

 **“Kathryn!”** He tried opening the door handle but it was locked with a padlock and a bar across the door.

“Ooh, he’ll get to see the show. How exciting for you!” sounded the mysterious voice.

 **“Let her go! Get off of her! Kathryn!”** he yelled and yanked the lock in frustration with all of his might. He realized he still had his shield in his hand and whacked it mercilessly. His arms were struggling to pound the heavy wooden onto the lock. He kept trying until it opened. He hastily shoved the door open and saw Q barely starting to lift his head off of the ground. Then he saw Kathryn. Chakotay ran forward but he was stopped, his feet stuck in place.

“That’s close enough,” Quarrel warned Chakotay without turning or moving from his position over Kathryn.

“Cha-” Kathryn’s guttural cry was stopped when Quarrel’s hands pressed once again on her throat and said, “Shh, captain.”

“Who are you?” Chakotay demanded.

“Q, obviously, you _thick_ headed bipedal. Honestly, Q, you seriously interacted with these humans?” Quarrel answered.

“Why are you here? What are you doing?” Chakotay hoped that even if he couldn’t move, that at least he could distract him.

“You humans don’t even shut up, do you?” Quarrel said down to Kathryn. "But I like your noises. Let's continue, shall we?"

Chakotay’s stomach tightened. He noticed a small movement from the gagged Q on the ground. A very weak Q pressed a finger to his lip to make sure Chakotay didn't give him away. Then Q was able to snap his fingers and Chakotay felt the hold on his feet break.

“You need to take his sword, it’s a Q weapon. Yours will be ineffective. I’ll distract him. His powers can only focus on one or two things at a time right now. Go!” Q’s voice ran inside Chakotay’s head.

Chakotay ran towards the bed while Quarrel used his wrist flick to attack Q with his powers without looking. Chakotay took the Q’s sword from his sheath and stabbed the sword underhand, plunging it into Quarrel’s chest. Quarrel turned his face to the side of the bed to face Chakotay.

“You dare put your hands on a Q weapon? A human?” he said in shock as his life source faded and dropped his bloody dagger.

Chakotay pulled out the sword and shoved Quarrel away from Kathryn so that he fell onto the other side of the bed. Chakotay dropped his shield and the Q sword onto the ground. Kathryn brought her numbed arms down, clutching her throat as she coughed and gasped for breath. He hastily pulled the skirt of her dress back down over her bloody thighs.

“Shhh. It’s all right, Kathryn. I’m here. He’s dead,” he said as he stroked the hair on her forehead.

As she gained back her voice, Kathryn saw Chakotay’s appearance. How much of the blood was his? Hers? Was he really there?

“Kathryn, talk to me.”

She croaked, “Cha-kotayyyy?”

Chakotay stroked her face and tears, looking her up and down. He took her hand into his. “Yes, it’s me, Kathryn. You’re safe now.”

He also noticed she had some blood on her face from a cut on her cheek in addition to her other injuries he saw. “Kathryn?” he asked. Her eyes looked unfocused and distant. She didn’t look like she could get up. He placed a blanket over her and scooped her up into his arms. Her arms went around his neck and she laid her head into his shoulder like a rag doll. His own arms were already on fire from the fighting but he could take it. Suddenly, Chakotay’s anger swelled as he yelled, “He was a Q?” to Q, who was now standing, walking slowly.

“Yes, and an unwelcome one in the continuum. He escaped the prison that I happened to put him in. It’s better that he’s dead.”

“So he wasn’t a part of this simulation,” Chakotay tried to confirm in his fury.

“Absolutely not. He poisoned me in order to weaken my powers against his.”

“Will the Q have a problem that I killed a Q?”

Q reached the two of them. “They'll be concerned but they’ll understand the circumstances. I will need to sort it all out with the Continuum and figure out how he escaped. It was lucky for us that he could only concentrate his powers on one task at a time.”

“How lucky,” Chakotay seethed, “that-” he began to bellow at Q but felt a hand on his chest and Kathryn mumbled quietly and shakily said, “Chakotay...please. Let’s go home.”

Chakotay looked down at the head pressed against his chest and felt like a fool for delaying their return.

“Well?” he looked at Q, who nodded.

“You will return the same time you left on your ship. I have enough power to do that and revive the crew but not much else at the moment. I will clear things up with the continuum and return.”

And with that, Q snapped his fingers.


	4. Sanctuary

The participants of the holoprogram reappeared on the holodeck grid. Weapons clattered onto the floor and the crew scanned the holodeck grid in confusion, especially those who had been revived. Tom, Harry, and B’Elanna made their way over to the commander, who was tightly clutching the captain in his arms under a blanket.

“What happened? All of a sudden there was a new wave French reinforcements when you went into that castle. Then all of a sudden they just...disappeared and the battle ended. Where’s Q?” B’Elanna asked.

“It’s a lot to explain but what matters is that we’re safe now. We’ll update the crew tomorrow. Right now we need to heal, clean up, and rest,” Chakotay said.

B’Elanna and Tom nodded.

“The captain’s hurt?” Harry asked, noticing that she had not said as much as a word. Her eyes were barely open and her forehead rested against the commander’s chest with her arms around his neck.

“Yes. I’m going to take her to sickbay. Tom, can you handle the situation here and inform Tuvok?”

“Of course, commander,” Tom replied.

Chakotay tapped his combadge and called for immediate transport to sickbay.

…

The questioning started with, “What’s the nature-?,” to the Doctor gaping and asking, “Was this all from Tom’s holodeck program?”

Chakotay said, “We had some uninvited guests. Now’s not the best time. The captain needs urgent medical attention,” he laid her gently down on the surgical biobed and she took a quick intake of breath with a choke.

“So does Mr. Paris,” the Doctor muttered and took out a medical tricorder to begin scanning. “You have a moderate concussion,” he said as he scanned, “and some damage to your trachea.” The Doctor continued his scan and stopped.

“Captain,” the Doctor began with a sympathetic tone.

“Just…. fix it,” she said gravelly wheezed due to the tracheal damage.

The EMH hesitated and glanced at Chakotay.

Again, he said, “Captain…”

“Just...do it.”

“Excuse me, commander.” The Doctor said and put up a privacy screen.

…

The light was too bright for her eyes with her head injury and she squinted. The Doctor removed the blanket and surgically cut off her clothing. She shivered at the exposure before he quickly replaced it with a medical blanket until he could fit her with a medical garb when he was done.

“I’ll need to repair the damage to your lower extremities. I need to stop the bleeding.” He went to work and she could feel the stinging sensitivity lessening.

“Captain, only you and I can hear each other. What happened in that holodeck program?”

Kathryn could barely think and it was difficult to speak. She choked out, “Q.”

“Who?”

“The Q.”

“The Q did this? Why?”

She closed her eyes. “Hurts..tired....think...talk.”

“Of course, captain. Sorry. ”

Once done repairing the bleeding, he made quick work on her concussion, crushed trachea, and then onto her snapped foot. Kathryn slowly felt some relief and took a deep breath before opening the palms of her hands.

The Doctor noticed the crescent blood marks on her palms left from her fingernails and started healing them, too.

…

Chakotay could feel the drain of adrenaline and soreness of his own injury started to make itself known. He sat on the closest biobed and took off his belt and the colorful red and yellow uniform material. The lactic acid buildup in his arms made it difficult, but with effort, he was able to take off the chainmail. It pooled onto the biobed with a jangling thud.

He hit his combadge, “Chakotay to Tuvok.”

_‘Yes, Commander.’_

“Has Tom informed you about what happened on the holodeck?”

_‘He has. I am in the holodeck as we speak. Are you in sickbay with the captain?’_

“I am. She’s...been hurt badly but the Doctor is treating her wounds now.”

_‘There is one thing I do not understand, Commander. Why was Q there?’_

“He wasn’t the only one. We ran into another Q with malicious intent.”

_‘Another? I have only heard of Q, according to the crew.’_

“Yes, well, only the captain and I ran into him. I’d rather not discuss it over the comm. I’ll have a report ready you tomorrow and wrap this up in the morning. What’s the status of our injuries?”

_'Seventeen with very minimal injuries. Five with injuries that need treatment.'_

“For those with minimal injuries, have them report to sickbay in the morning. Send the rest to sickbay for treatment. We may need to call on Tom’s help as well.”

_‘Yes, commander. Tuvok, out.’_

Chakotay lifted the bloodied caked shirt up, revealing a superficial ten-inch gash. He moved off the biobed and took one of the dermal regenerators and waved it slowly over the injury until it healed, keeping his eyes in the direction of the captain’s biobed.

...

Eventually, the Doctor lowered the privacy screen and moved towards him. “It’s your turn, Commander.”

He scanned Chakotay and found some minor cuts that Chakotay couldn’t reach earlier.

“How is she?” Chakotay quietly asked the Doctor while he healed him.

The EMH sympathetically muttered, “She will heal. But I think you know more than I do. She wouldn’t tell me what happened except something about Q. Or a Q. Her voice is still recovering.”

Chakotay nodded.

The EMH asked, “What did happen, Commander?”

He responded quietly, “I don’t think now is the best time to discuss it, Doctor. But yes, it did involve the Q...”

Chakotay saw movement and saw Kathryn slowly walking to the door in her teal sickbay attire. Her long hair moved against the garb as she walked. He let his black shirt drop back down and hopped off the biobed to rush beside her. “I think you should rest here for the night, captain.”

Kathryn kept moving towards the door as if she had not heard him.

“Kathryn?” He held up an arm in front of her to pause her motion and she was startled.

“I’m going to my quarters,” she murmured.

“ _Kathryn_ -”

Determined, she said, “No one will stop me. I’m tired and I want to sleep in my bed.”

He opened his mouth to object once more, but some of their fellow “soldiers” entered sickbay and Chakotay put his arm down to let them pass. As the Doctor started to prep for his new onslaught of patients he said, “Captain, no sudden head movements and take it easy on the voice. Get some sleep. If you-”

She left sickbay before the Doctor could finish and Chakotay followed her out.

As they headed to their quarters slowly and in silence, Chakotay was reminded of how silence had been the norm the last several days. He remembered how nervous Ensign Kim looked when he gave him a PADD to forward to the captain on his behalf just the other day. The crew had bee in hushed tones around the two of them. Chakotay had heard Tom talking about his Hundred Day War-type of holodeck program and took interest. The surprise on Tom’s face was picture perfect when he asked to join.

Now, Chakotay and Kathryn walked in silence with unsaid words and unsaid pain.

Kathryn was in a quiet, hallowed state, as she gingerly walked beside him. She looked fragile, like a piece of broken colored glass that had not yet removed itself from its encasing. With a slight jostle, she could slip out of the casing and shatter into a thousand pieces. He wanted to say something but everything that popped in his head didn’t feel right. Chakotay felt as if there were no words that would help in the moment. By the time they reached the door to her quarters all he could say was, “Goodnight, Kathryn. ”

“Goodnight,” she replied and pressed the door panel.

“And-” he added.

She turned around.

“Let me know if you need anything. Anything at all.”

Kathryn have a small nod and went inside her quarters without another word.

…

Chakotay entered his quarters and immediately took off his boots. He felt much lighter with the chainmail off but he was glad he didn’t forgo it after today’s events. He soon was in the sonic shower, actively thinking and churning over his last words to her. He kept kicking himself, thinking he should have said something else. He loved her so much it hurt and it was crushing him to see her like this.

 _‘What was the point of Q’s stunt? Fight or become captain while Kathryn was whisked away to the Continuum? Honestly, he could take her at any time and we wouldn’t be able to stop it,’_ he thought. Q always had some agenda. _‘God, and that other Q...and what he did to Kathryn. Why was he there? It doesn’t make sense.’_ He shuddered at the memory. It was crushing. He had felt so helpless when his feet wouldn’t move and he couldn’t quickly tear the Q off of mutilated body. Then, even when he killed him, he was too late. The damage had been done.

Once he got out of the shower he put on boxers and comfortable shorts to sleep in. He wanted to go to Kathryn’s quarters to check in on her, despite it only being half an hour since she saw her. Chakotay’s mind was swirling so he decided to have a cup of decaf cinnamon tea. When he went over towards his replicator he saw Q sitting on his couch and he halted his walk before resuming. Chakotay didn’t say anything and gritted his jaw while he calculated his next moves. He ordered his tea and sat down on his couch at a distance.

After he took a few sips he demanded, “Well? Spill it, Q. Now.”

Q still had the same serious countenance on his face as when he had left them earlier.

“I have just come back from the Continuum. The continuum agreed that you killed Q killed in self-defense, so that’s settled.”

“What about the Q? How did he escape prison?”

“While in prison, the Q were complacent and switched out his guard. Well, Q was very persuasive and his jailer was naïve enough to fall for his ideas.”

“What happened to the jailer?”

“He is dead.”

“What was Q in prison for?”

“Q committed atrocities among many species. He believed that only Q should be allowed to exist in the universe. Luckily, before he was imprisoned, his powers had been damaged.”

“Genocide?”

Q nodded. “Q even turned species upon each other. He even brought extra soldiers to fight you and your crew.”

Chakotay finished his tea and set it down on the coffee table. “Why did you do all of this, Q? Why the ultimatum? Why the holodeck program?” He gestured to the rest of the English uniform on the floor that he hadn’t recycled yet.

Q didn’t respond for a few seconds and then replied, “You’ll have to ask Kathy.”

Chakotay nodded and stood up to walk to Q. Q stood up and without warning, Chakotay punched Q in the face and knocked him down. He grabbed Q’s Starfleet uniform and clutched it tightly with both hands.

“ **Stop** playing games, Q! Our **lives** are not **games**! And **stop** calling her Kathy! You’ve done enough damage, **can’t you see that**?!” Chakotay bellowed. He let go, shoving Q back onto the ground before he stood back up.

Q rubbed his face and he slowly stood up.

“You and Ben Sisko really can pull punches, but I do admit...I deserve this one. As to why...let’s just say that I was trying to help Ka-, the captain...and you...smooth things over. Your holodeck simulation seemed like the perfect opportunity.”

Chakotay pondered and asked, “The fight. It was because of the fight we had, wasn’t it?”

“You think?” Q raised his eyebrows to him.

He was about to burst. “It’s none of your business. You shouldn’t have gotten involved,” Chakotay growled.

“In any case, don’t screw it up. She needs you, Chuckles.”

Chakotay glared at the use of his nickname.

“Commander,” Q corrected and with a snap he vanished into thin air.

…

Her long hair gently rustled as she woke up. She looked to see why her nightgown felt so different. Kathryn forgot she was still wearing the medical garb. She looked at her long hair, realizing it had been years since her hair was that long. She remembered the yank Quarrel gave to her hair, slamming her head into the headboard. Kathryn was breathing hard as she hurried to refresher.

She quickly pulled out the sink and splashed cool water on her face. Then, Kathryn looked up into the mirror and saw the clear shadows of handprints along the length of her neck. She pulled off her garb and looked down to see bruises on her forearms, ankles, thighs, and even on her back. Kathryn’s hands shook as she activated the sonic shower and stepped inside as she shakily covered her mouth with one hand to muffle a cry.

After the captain took her shower she took the dermal generator which she had stashed in her quarters and sat on the toilet to start healing her bruises. As she waved the medical tool over the bruises, she realized they weren't affected. She then started to wave the medical wand frantically over her skin.

It wasn't working. Maybe it was broken. “Damnit!”

Kathryn got dressed in her uniform. Her turtleneck and long-sleeves would have to do until she could get her hands on another hypospray. As soon as she was dressed, the door chimed.

"Come in," her voice rasped quietly. Her throat still was healing. Then she repeated in a stronger voice, “Come in.”

Chakotay entered, back again in his full Starfleet uniform.

“Good morning,” he said as he hovered near the door.

“Morning."

"How are you feeling?"

"I… I've been better," she said.

“Sounds like your voice is still adjusting.”

She covered her throat with her hand. “Yes.”

He expected her to say that she was fine, but her reply was no better. Chakotay didn't expect that she would go much in-depth with her feelings...she would tell him when she was ready. He pulled out a peace rose from behind his back and gave it to her. She took it with a soft smile and smelled the flower.

Chakotay said, “About that fight we had..” he tugged on his ear and looked down at the ground, “...I don’t know what that was... but I never want it to happen again. It haunts me to the bone and I am sorry. I...was just concerned for your safety and I got carried away.”

Kathryn looked at the flower and said, “I was just as guilty in my role during the fight. I didn’t necessarily help things...and you were right. Maybe I was flirting with that one F’Leil.”

She continued, “I didn’t... you know. When I came late onto the ship, it-”

“You don’t need to-”

“I didn’t.”

“Kathryn, you don’t need to tell me-”

She held up a hand. “I’m telling you that I didn’t have sex with that F’Leil. I need you to know that.” Her voice hitched in her throat.

She breathed and her voice wavered, “I need you to know that.”

He turned pink and pursed his lips. She paused and resumed. “When Tuvok had to check on us I knew we had sunk to a new low. I couldn’t sleep knowing that we might have ruined our friendship that night. I still want you by my side on the bridge. I’m sorry, too.”

Chakotay thought, _‘Oh, I’ve been a fool. Such a fool.’_

He nodded and said, “Have you eaten?” Chakotay knew she tended to skip it and wanted to make sure she got some this morning. Kathryn still looked very worn and thin and she may be more comfortable to talk over breakfast.

She said, “No, I haven’t. Have you?”

“No.”

“What would you like?”

 _‘For you to be you again. To wrap my arms around you and tell you everything will be fine,’_ he thought.

“A couple slices of toast and an orange juice would be great. Make sure you have some breakfast, too,” Chakotay said and sat down at the table. Kathryn placed the flower in a vase with some of her other flowers on the table. She ordered his breakfast and put the items in front of him before she took a seat with her oatmeal and coffee. They ate in silence at the start.

“Have you seen Q lately?” he asked and took a bite out of his toast.

She stilled a bit. “No, not since he brought us back to the ship."

“Q visited me later last night,” he said as he placed a napkin on his lap.

Kathryn's stomach churned. “He did?”

“I was surprised, too,” he said.

Chakotay told her how he was absolved in Q’s death, about how the Q escaped, the Q’s crimes, and…

“I punched him.”

Kathryn’s eyes went wide. “You did...what?”

“I punched Q.”

She bit her lip.

“Yes and here’s the kicker; he said he probably deserved it.”

Kathryn's voice went deep and said softly, “Yes, he did,” she said as she subconsciously brushed the bruises on her neck. She folded the oatmeal and let it drop off her spoon with the other.

Gently, he asked, “Do you want to talk about yesterday?”

“No...not yet.”

As if reading her mind, he asked, “The crew needs to know what happened during the holodeck program.”

“True.”

Chakotay said, “How about we say that the extra wave of soldiers were from the castle and that Q did this whole scenario to test humanity’s resolve? To get us to work together?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Kathryn said, looking at her oatmeal.

He could tell she was struggling and fighting internally. She was squirming and looked uncomfortable in her seat. Chakotay placed his hand on her fidgeting fingers and said warmly, “It’s going to be alright, Kathryn. I’m here for you.”

She sighed and nodded.


	5. Good Intentions

A shriek was made as the coffee mug fell through the air, its tilt threatening the ejection of the brown liquid within. The cup produced a metal clang as it hit the floor, spilling its hot contents on the carpet.

“Hello, captain,” said Q, sitting on the couch.

Captain Janeway stood behind the desk with her hand pressed against her chest at Q's surprise visit.  
With exasperation, she breathed out, “Q!"

“Let me help with that,” Q said and in a flash the mess was cleared with a steaming cup of coffee remerging on the desk.

“It wouldn’t hurt for you to knock, or even chime, or never come back,” she said with her hands on her hips, steadying her shaking hands.

“I’m sure Chu-, your commander, told you what I said during my return last night.”

A big sigh was let out as she sat down behind her desk. “Yes, he did. I’m surprised you visited Chakotay.”

He rubbed his face. “It probably would have been safer to have visited you first, instead.”

She tucked in her chin and flicked her eyes. “So he really did punch you?”

“Oh, please, Kath-, captain. I had it under control,” he said and rolled his eyes.

 **"Just like you had everything under control yesterday?’"** she snapped as she gripped her armrests. Her sternum started to tighten in her chest. “Why did you do it, Q?” Her eyes flared at him as she crossed her arms.

“Your relationship with Chakotay needed repair. He hates me, you tolerate me, it’s the perfect persuasive scenario to bring you back to friendly terms. You two would be more focused on me.”

She huffed at his response. Maybe Q really tried to make things better between the two of them, but she couldn't trust him. She couldn't trust Q.

He continued, “There was supposed to be no real harm. I mean, it worked for Jean Luc in the Robin Hood scenario. Well, sort of. Vash and I had a good time travelling-"

 **"Q!** _Stop_ rambling."

"Anyways, it was all done with good intentions,” Q shrugged.

Kathryn growled, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” She started to breathe heavily.

“If it means anything, I truly am sorry, captain. We are sorry. Oh, and Q junior sends his love.” He stood up and walked out of the door. Kathryn braced her hands against the armrests and leaned back in her chair. She closed her eyes and focused her breaths.

She ducked her head back under the desk, her hand searching for something.

A quick swish of the doors and, “Captain?” brought her back. She quickly stood up and the blood rushed to her head and saw an alert Chakotay was standing before her. “I just saw Q come to the bridge. He talked with you?”

“Yes, he just made sure you updated me on last night’s events and apologized.” She ran her hand through her hair and left it resting there.

“Did he call you Kathy?”

With a questioning look, she tilted her head and said, “No, actually, he didn’t. He didn't even call you Chuckles.”

Chakotay let out a small smile.

“What? Why is that funny?” she investigated.

“Nothing."

"Just how hard _did_ you hit him, Chakotay?"

Let’s just say that Q got to experience gravity and he became familiar with the rigidness of Starfleet carpet,” he said with mischievous eyes.

Chakotay’s smile started to fall away as he studied her face.

“Are you alright? You don’t look so good, Kathryn. You look a bit pale.”

“I’m just tired." Her eyes kept searching for something around her desk.

His eyes followed her movements. "It's not here, you know."

"What's not here?"

"The hypospray you're looking for."

Kathryn paused a bit too long. "I'm not looking for…"

Chakotay walked closer to her and softly spoke. "Kathryn. I _know_ you're not looking for a lost pip."

She sighed "When did you find it?"

Chakotay squirmed a bit. "During Teero's mutiny."

"Oh," she said. An uncomfortable pause filled the air and her hand ran across the back of her neck.

"You can find it in sickbay and if I am correct, you haven’t gone today. You were only here to get some coffee before returning to your quarters after addressing the crew, remember?"

Kathryn had wanted to keep busy. To return to normal but this wasn't normal. None of this was. She hesitated.

Her first officer's voice was soft when he said, “Everything is under control here. Go see the Doctor and take some time off for some rest. I’ll escort you to your quarters, if you’d like.” Chakotay then have her gave a soft smile.

Kathryn wiped her face with her hand. She was a bit frantic and on edge. The soreness bruises and the soreness remained. “Maybe you’re right, Chakotay. I am tired. I think I’ll do that.”

They walked out of the ready room and as she approached the turbolift she said, “I can manage, Chakotay. Thank you. You have the bridge."

He seemed reluctant but relented with a nod. 

Captain Janeway was glad she was the only one on the turbolift as she leaned against its walls. The apology from Q was appreciated but she was still upset with him. It was Q’s fault...and yet it wasn’t. If Q hadn’t involved himself, Quarrel would not have been there at all. In addition, Q had just been just as surprised as they were at Quarrel's arrival. She let out a shuddered sigh.

Kathryn skipped sickbay and entered her quarters before she kicked off her boots and removed her jacket. She took off her combadge and shakily set it on the nightstand. The mattress sank with her weight before she slipped under the warmth of her blankets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went over and over this chapter. Not too sure if I like it or it works, but I gotta keep going with the rest. LOL


	6. The Devil You Know

Captain Janeway was in her ready room when, all of a sudden, red lights and screeching sirens of klaxons filled the room. Kathryn hurried onto the bridge and halted abruptly when she saw them. Four black horses. Sitting on top of the horses were men dressed in royal clothing similar to Tom’s fourteenth century holodeck scenario. Although they were silent behind their metal helmets, her intuition told her they were Q, and unfriendly ones at that.

“You can’t run from us,” they said in unison and without warning, they charged. Some remained mounted on their horses; some did not. Kathryn looked for her phaser and realized she wasn’t wearing one. Despite wanting to move, the captain stood helplessly as they charged towards the bridge crew. Her fight and flight response was failing her. One soldier dismounted and before Chakotay could stand, a sword skewered his body into his chair.

“Chakotay!” Kathryn screamed. Chakotay’s face fell to the side and looked at Kathryn before the light in his eyes faded. “No!”

Others fell one by one, but the four horsemen seemed to pay her no heed until the deeds were done. Then all four honed in on Kathryn at the same time. Once she knew they were coming for her, a switch turned on in her brain. She ran, entered the turbolift, and watched it close on them. Upon her exit, she started to run and she noticed one of the Q coming towards her from an adjacent corridor. Kathryn ran into her quarters, sealed the door, and retrieved the phaser from her bedside drawer. She set it to kill.

“Computer, activate a site-to-site transport to shuttle bay two," she ordered, hoping that maybe they would follow her away from the ship.

A voice pierced the air. “Oh, no, no. You’re not going anywhere, captain.”

She froze. She knew that voice. She was aware of where she was. Kathryn swung around with her phaser but no one was there. She kept vigilant watch as she rotated around.

The voice let out a laugh and taunted, “Look at you, captain, in that little fishbowl of yours. All alone.”

“You’re supposed to be dead.”

The haunting laughter continued. “Silly human.”

She felt a set of hands grab her arms from behind her back and pin her against the nearest bulkhead, causing the phaser to fall out of her hand. The voice continued, “I am going to finish what I started. You have not been fully branded yet with my mark.”

His now-visible hand groped her breasts and unfastened her pants before his hand slid within. The hand held a firm grip below.

“ **Get. Off. Me!”** she yelled.

“As you wish.”

She felt the body back off and tried to make an escape.

“Oh, how gullible.” He grabbed her arm tightly as she fought him with every step he made them take. Kathryn punched, kicked, even bit him before he threw her onto the bed. He placed his body on top of her and jostled with his trousers as she pounded on him on his chest. The Q unfastened her pants and pulled them down to her knees and clutched her throat. “We were interrupted last time. I didn’t get to explore all of the possibilities. I think you’re going to enjoy this even more than last time,” he said.

His dark hair and striking blue eyes pierced into hers as she screamed in pain.

...

Kathryn was startled awake and jumped out of bed as fast as she possibly could. She scanned the room but saw no one. She briskly walked to the refresher and splashed cold water on her face as she struggled to catch her breath. Her arms braced the sides of the sink, shaking with sweat. She sobbed and dry heaved before she dropped to her knees. A guttural cry of anger, pain, and sadness reverberated throughout her body. Her heart was drowning in her tears, causing it to hurt as she continued for the next half hour.

Eventually, she managed to stand back up, take off her sweat-drenched shirt, and wipe herself with a cool cloth. She kept glancing over her shoulder, subconsciously unsure whether or not if it was real, if Quarrel was alive, or if it was just a nightmare.

She replaced the soaked long-sleeve shirt with a tank before she replicated a large cold compress and a bottle of whiskey. Her trembling hands set the bottle and glass on the coffee table and sat down with the compress beside her. Kathryn poured herself a generous glass, set the compress on the back of her neck to calm and cool her down. The captain drank the entire glass before refilling it and downing another.

Her door chimed and she froze. She realized she didn’t even know what time it was. Kathryn decided she didn’t want whoever was at the door to see the current situation and hid the bottle and compress. She hurried over to her room and placed a fresh turtleneck over the tank to hide the bruises. Another chime sounded as she grabbed a book and a blanket over to the couch, where she laid down and set the scene.

“Come in.”

“Tuvok entered her quarters and said, “Did you not hear the first two chimes, captain?”

“Oh? I must have been so focused on my reading I must have been drifting off. What can I do for you, Tuvok?” She said with the best poker face she could manage. She tried to control her breathing from her pounding chest as well as her shakes.

"Commander Chakotay and the Doctor both requested that I check on your status. You have not visited the Doctor today.”

“I slept and I am reading my book. I’m sure the Doctor will be happy to know that,” she said coolly.

Tuvok moved closer until he was about six feet away. He looked at the glass of whiskey as if he was scrutinizing it.

Damn.

Trying to steer him away, Kathryn said. “I know, I know. I’ll make sure to go to sickbay after my book."

He nodded and turned, not to the door, but towards her dining table. Her face felt warmer than it already was as she suspected what he was about to do.

Tuvok said to the replicator panel, “Computer, which items have been replicated in the last five hours?”

It said, “One bottle of Irish whiskey and a large cold compress.”

“Time of replication for both items from now?”

“Thirteen minutes ago.”

 _‘Godammit, Tuvok,’_ she thought.

Tuvok turned around and looked at her. She was caught. He walked over to his original position and stood. “Where?” is all he said.

She surrendered like a girl caught with her parent’s liquor and rolled her eyes. “Behind the pillow on the armchair,” she admitted.

He walked to the chair and pulled out the bottle. He continued to the couch and sat besides her curled feet. He placed the two-thirds full bottle of whiskey on the coffee table in front of her as if presenting evidence to a guilty suspect.

“I know your whiskey habits, captain. What particularly is troubling you at this moment?”

Kathryn’s eyes fell to her lap.

“What if there are more malevolent Q out there? We’ve run into the female caretaker before and that could have ended in disaster. We don’t know what lays before us. There could be _hundreds_ of non-corporeal entities we don’t know about who could wipe us out in an _instant_. Our fight to get home could be pointless. Meaningless.”

“We do not know. That is something Q could possibly answer. We do have an ally.”

Not satisfied, she looked up and fired, “Yes, but that’s it! What happens when the Q can’t help us against other similar beings? I mean, they were willing to kill me because I was involved in their civil war! What if another Q decides to follow in that Q’s footsteps? What if they refuse to help? Where was the rest of the Continuum? How can Voyager fight back? What-” Her voice cracked when it quickly turned to panic.

“Captain,” Tuvok said and placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to stop her frantic tirade. There was no way to hide her shaking now. “Captain. You are concerned because Q had little control in yesterday’s events. I also do not believe you would be replicating a bottle of whiskey just because you were hypothesizing extreme scenarios.”

She poured another three fingers of whiskey, took a drink, and set it back down with a firm thud. Kathryn pushed the lump in her throat down with the warming liquid. She leaned forward with her forehead in the heels of her hands.

“I left something out of the story, Tuvok. That Q didn’t just attack Q and I. He pinned me down in a bed with his hand to my throat while he raped me.” Tuvok straightened up stiffly against the couch and she continued. “When I went to sleep today. I saw four malevolent Q on horses, four horsemen, in the same type of royal uniforms. They killed everyone on the ship...while I was made to suffer the rest of the assault again but in my quarters. It felt so real. So much so that...I am not entirely convinced… or I questioned… if that Q is truly dead."

Her words tumbled out until she could say no more. Tuvok placed a sympathetic hand in her shoulder. Kathryn let out a small whimper and flinched when he touched the hidden bruises. She closed her eyes, wrinkled her nose and let out a sniffle. He furrowed his Vulcan brows.

"You are hurt, captain. The commander informed me that you were looking for a dermal regenerator."

She hesitated and slowly lifted the back of her turtleneck. "I was trying to heal these."

Tuvok scanned the black bruises all over her. Branding marks of the Q. Even for a Vulcan, she could see the change in his countenance. He stated firmly, “Captain, you should have mentioned these to the Doctor when you saw him yesterday."

She raised her head from her hands. "They only appeared this morning and the Doctor had scanned me yesterday."

Tuvok stood up and held out to her. "I will accompany you to the Doctor."

She stood and tugged the back of her shirt down and wiped the corners of her eyes. "Afraid I'll get lost?"

“I am sure you know the way, captain. However, I would rather not have the Doctor harass me any further.”

She took his hand and they moved away from the couch. They stopped walking before they reached the door. “Does the commander know?” Tuvok asked.

“Yes, he does. But this will not go beyond Chakotay, you, or the Doctor. Understand?”

He nodded and they left her quarters. Tuvok said, “We do not know what tomorrow will hold but we will face it with the strength and resolve we have as a crew.”

“I just hope it’s enough,” she whispered and held onto his arm with both hands.

“It must be,” the Vulcan replied.

…

When Kathryn Janeway revealed the bruises, the Doctor was in gasped shock. She had so many bruises on her body that if one did not know the difference, one would have guessed she resembled a leopard.

“Captain! I scanned you yesterday and these were not here. What happened???”

“Nothing. They just appeared today. They are where our visitor Q had gripped me...and there are more.”

He looked her over. "You've been drinking."

She shot him a look and said, “Focus on the task at hand, Doctor.”

The Doctor grabbed his medical tool and started to work on her bruises and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What is it?” the captain said.

“Nothing is affecting the bruises.”

He tried using other tools and nanoprobes but to no effect.

“Captain, considering the source of the bruises, we may need to ask the Q for help,” the Doctor said.

Kathryn’s fingernails fidgeted on the biobed. Although she did not want to see Q so soon, it was her only option.

She closed her eyes, gritted, and bore it. “Q?”

With a flash, Q was there. “You rang, capt...oh.” He saw there in her tank and underwear covered in bruises.

“I can’t get rid of these bruises from Q. Nothing is working. Can you help?”

“Yes,” he said and with a snap of his fingers, her skin was free from the marks and soreness.

Q stepped forward and said, "Captain-"

She straightened up. “That’s all, Q.”

Q nodded, wanted to say more, but with the captain’s distrusting glare, he felt it best to leave in another snap.

…

Tom and Harry ate their food while they took glances at the table across the mess hall.

“Must be serious,” said Harry.

“Must be. They rarely eat together,” replied Tom.

“What do you think is going on?”

“I don’t know. Do you think it’s about the fight between the captain and Chakotay?”

“Or about events of yesterday and this morning. I was surprised to see Q on the bridge his morning,” Harry said.

Tom pointed with his fork. “Yeah, I only got a glimpse before he left when his voice registered. What did he say?”

“Something about honoring an agreement to Chakotay.”

“What does that even mean?” said Tom.

Harry shrugged and said, “No idea, but Chakotay shook his hand.”

B’Elanna leaned over her food and furrowed her brows. “He _shook_ his hand?”

“Then he pulled Q’s arm in to tell him something quickly before he left,” Harry confirmed.

Tom asked, “Did anyone else catch it?”

“No. I thought you might have,” replied Harry.

“No.”

“The captain wasn’t on the bridge after that, either,” remarked Harry.

“That’s true. We don’t even know too much about that,” Tome replied.

B’Elanna said, “She didn’t look well. I mean, we know she was hurt, but we don’t know how.”

They all looked at Chakotay and Tuvok eating lunch together, quietly discussing something.

“How odd,” said Tom.

“Must be serious,” Harry said again.

“It must be,” Tom repeated.

…

Captain Janeway slept, or at least, took a brief nap that late afternoon. No dreams or nightmares thanks previous whiskey and the Doctor, who gave her a sedative before she returned to her quarters. Kathryn laid upon the couch with her blanket wrapped around her and a book in her hand. She refused to sleep in her bed after what happened earlier and had struggled to focus on her reading. With the blanket as her shield, she walked across the room and replicated a cup of coffee. Instead of going to the couch or the armchair to drink it, Kathryn sat at her desk and turned on her monitor. It was time to research the Q.

She realized that all of the information they had on the Q Continuum was very little except for the accounts of the U.S.S. Enterprise and Voyager. Most of the time it was about Q’s hijinks.

Kathryn remembered waiting to be executed by projectile weapons all because Q wanted to get in her pants to save the Q Continuum. She could have been killed in a random part of the Q Continuum without the crew even knowing she was dead. She didn’t put too much deep thought about it after the event because she was just grateful that the ridiculous mess was over. Now, she started to wonder if she should have.

If they hadn't found Quinn it would have changed everything. Maybe they would have never had to deal with Q or the Q Continuum. Kathryn drank her coffee and stared at the screen. Was she really being unreasonable in thinking about the true nature of the Q? Or had she been so blind?

Her combadge chirped to interrupt her current thought.

_‘Chakotay to Janeway.’_

“Go ahead, commander.” Her stomach started to twist and knot. Did Q return? Did they run into an enemy?

_‘Join me for dinner? My quarters. 1800 hours?’_

She smiled and let out a large sigh of relief. It wasn't a red alert. He was just asking her to dinner.

“Yes, but on one condition.”

 _‘What is it?’_ he asked.

“You have coffee ice cream for dessert.”

 _‘You’ve got it,’_ she could hear him chuckle, ‘I’ll see you at 1800.’

…

Kathryn fidgeted as she put her uniform jacket. She was still jittery from earlier and must have tugged on her jacket at least five times. Then she finally headed out the door. Her thumbnails pressed into her fingertips of her index fingers.

 _‘Calm down. Calm down,’_ she told herself in her mantra.

The state of her anxiety had been at a constant high all day. The whiskey and the second nap had only taken some of the edge off. Kathryn reached and chimed his quarters.

“Hello.”

Kathryn took a step back before recovering from the nearby voice. She didn’t expect Chakotay to be near the door when it opened.

“Hi.”

“Please come in,” he gestured. The captain entered and Chakotay walked in with her. He was wearing casual clothes and she wondered if she shouldn’t have worn her uniform.

“I experimented tonight and tried my hand at Chinese food. It’s stir fry, fried rice, and chow mein. Let me get the tea. Go ahead and have a seat,” he said and walked over to the replicator.

Kathryn made her way to the chair and as she was about to sit down, she asked, “What? What’s this?”

Chakotay walked back from the replicator with a crooked smile. “Oh, how did that get there?” he said and his eyes twinkled.

Kathryn held it up. It was a plush animal the size of a basketball with an ornament around its neck.

“Is this a plush sehlat with a dreamcatcher?” she asked incredulously.

Chakotay poured the tea. “Yes, yes it is,” he said and stirred sugar into his tea and sat down. She sat down with it cradled in her lap.

“Why was it in my seat?” she said with a curious look.

“Those are yours,” he said matter-of-factly.

Kathryn said, “What?” and looked down at it.

He nodded and sipped his tea, his eyes watching over the steaming cup.

“A sehlat?” she asked, tilting her head as she continued to look and inspect it with curiosity.

“Yeah, that part was Tuvok’s idea.”

She looked at him, “Tuvok?”

Chakotay sat the cup down. “He said that his daughter had one just like it and she was very fond of it. He thought and said, in his own words, ‘Its softness is soothing, according to my daughter. The captain needs that soothing.’ I suggested a teddy bear but he looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘A teddy bear does not have protective six-inch fangs!’ I couldn’t argue against that,” he chuckled.

Kathryn smiled and then fingered the dream catcher. It had small multi-colored beads and different wood-carved animals among its web. She knew Tuvok must have been very worried about her.

“I’m just taking a wild guess that the dreamcatcher was your idea,” she teased.

He shrugged. “I knew you were having trouble sleeping.”

“You two conspired well,” she said. Kathryn looked and stroked the sehlat’s fur as tears formed in her eyes.

Getting worried, Chakotay asked, “Do you like them?”

“Yes, very much. Thank you,” she said softly.

“Good. Now eat your dinner before it gets cold or it will be given to the sehlat.”

She looked at him and gave a chuckle.

“Okay, let's see how you did, master chef.”

The food was great as always and the oolong tea was relaxing. Kathryn was somewhat surprised he didn’t have wine on the table, but Tuvok or the Doctor may have mentioned the whiskey to him. It didn’t matter; the tea was exactly what she needed.

She put some sugar into a new cup of tea.

“I’m surprised. Sugar?” He confirmed.

Kathryn said, “It tasted good with this tea.”

Chakotay smiled and said, “Welcome to the dark side.”

She guffawed, “Oh, I’m not giving up coffee anytime soon.”

“Did you get enough sleep?”

“’I got some sleep. I don’t know how well the quality of the sleep was.” She looked down at the dreamcatcher.

Chakotay asked, “What else did you do today?”

“You first,” she said.

“I read B’Elanna’s engineering report. They’re working on updating some panels on deck ten. There’s an interesting nebula about five thousand lightyears away. Oh, and Icheb has his latest history report ready on, “The History of Starfleet’s Economic Relations with Other Interstellar Species.” I’m sorry to say that you’ll have to sit through that lecture.”

Kathryn groaned as she said, “And how much of it is composed of the Ferengi?” as they cleaned up their plates.

Chakotay handed her a bowl of coffee ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top and sat back down. “Well, this should make it better.”

“I almost forgot I requested it,” Kathryn said.

“Now it’s your turn. What else did you do today?”

Kathryn took a scoopful of the coffee delight and tasted its rich flavor as it tickled her tongue before she swallowed.

“I read.” Kathryn thought about doubling over in cries on the bathroom floor after her nightmare.

“What have you been reading?” he asked before eating some more of his ice cream.

“Umm. Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky.”

“Well, that sounds like a feel-good novel,” he said sarcastically, “Any good?”

“Not bad so far. It’s interesting to see how the main character tried to understand his actions and justify-”

She thought of their fight they had a few days ago. How he was stabbed in her dream. She thought of Quarrel and trying to understand the Q Continuum in her research.

“...justify…”

“Kathryn?”

She mumbled, “...the Q’s actions..” Her thought took her away.

Chakotay’s hand on her shoulder shook her out of her state. Kathryn did not even realize he had moved and was standing next to her. She looked down and saw that had a white knuckle grip on the sehlat plush and gulped the air.

“Kathryn.”

She placed her hand on his.

“Come here,” he said and Chakotay took her hand into his and pulled her up to her feet. Kathryn was not looking at him but at the ground. With his other hand he slid the stuffed animal from her hands and back onto the chair without breaking his gaze at her.

He gathered her hands to his chest, covering her hands with one of his hands. Kathryn felt his other hand tile her chin up and stroked her cheek with his thumb. Her eyes slowly flicked up at his.

Kathryn shuddered a breath. She couldn’t stop the warm tears slowly cascade down her cheeks. Kathryn felt the softness of his thumb brush the tears from her face. His thumb was tugging on a ribbon of a bow and it was dangerously close to becoming undone. She was unsteady.

“Let me in. Let me share your pain.” The ribbon was slipping. “Let me be the knight that I couldn't be.” His voices changed pitch. It was pleading.

“I can’t protect our crew. I can’t keep this crew safe, Chakotay.” In shame, she tried to move her head away from his hand but his hand followed.

“It’s not just your job, Kathryn. It’s all of our jobs to look after each other and keep each other safe. We knew there would be danger along the way when we signed up for this. But right now, I think our captain needs to feel like she’s safe.”

Chakotay wasn’t going to let her slip away. Into her dark space He used his other hand to gently guide her face back. Chakotay was so conflicted because he wanted to kiss her but not under these circumstances. Chakotay kissed her forehead and let his lips linger, hovering just millimeters away. Kathryn bit her lip and moved her arms around his neck.

The ribbon was undone, untethered. Chakotay saw Kathryn tighten up her face as she let go of the wall she had been clinging to. She buried her face upon his chest with her muffled cries and sniffles.

“I...I can’t stop…” she was trying to manage as Chakotay stroked her back. She took a breath and continued,

“...seeing images…” she hiccupped, “..of the Q…”

Kathryn’s chest felt even heavier. “I don’t know...w-why… I can’t...stop...”

She started violently heaving and hiccupping her sobs as she buried herself deeper into him. Chakotay could feel her hands tightly grip the back of his uniform. His heart was breaking for her as he buried his own face into her shoulder, grimacing. Kathryn wasn’t the only one who relived those memories, those images, those terrors of her rape. Chakotay, like her, had tried to push them out of his mind during his shift on the bridge. He had seen enough of that done by the Cardassians while in the Maquis but that didn't make things better. He had felt so helpless yesterday and because of the recent strain on their relationship, he didn't know how to approach the subject with her. If he couldn’t get those images out, how could she? His stomach twisted at the thought of the memory.

“I know...Kathryn, I know,” he said softly.

They stood and held each other while their shakes, heartbeats, and breaths merged together.

She said, “It’s...all...my fault...if…”

“No.”

“We…”

“No.”

“...didn’t have…” she hiccupped.

“Kathryn.”

“...that fight...this wouldn’t…”

Chakotay held her tight and said in her ear, “No, no, don’t. Don’t you dare pin this on you, Kathryn! I am the one who came to you with that. Do you understand? Nod that you understand.”

After a moment she slowly nodded and he sighed. He didn’t really know if there was someone to blame. Both of them had fought. But then Q shouldn’t have shown up and gotten involved. Yet, it wasn’t Q’s fault that the other Q showed up, either. If she had to blame anyone Chakotay didn’t care if it was himself. As long as she didn’t pin anything on herself. Kathryn continued to weep in his arms.

‘Spirits, help me. I need to keep you safe. I need to keep you happy, Kathryn. What can I do?,’ he thought, ‘What can I do to make your burdens lighter?’

Kathryn was trying to move the rock that had formed in her throat down while trying to manage her breaths as each breath caused an ache in her abdomen. She cried too much today and her body felt it. She started to take small, rapid, breath intakes to avoid the aches. Of course, Chakotay noticed. He could hear her breathing and felt her wince.

“Kathryn?’

“My chest is sore...and I feel lightheaded.”

“Let’s move to the couch. My legs are starting to lock, anyways.”

Chakotay guided her to the couch and she sat down. He walked away but when he returned with two glasses of cold water and the sehlet under his arm. Kathryn’s face contorted at the sight of the plush so secure and safe under his arm. Her first officer placed the fanged, furry beast on her lap and handed her a water glass before he sat down beside her.

She raised the glass of water as the opposite arm gripped the other to steady the ripples in it. She took a long sip before letting the curved glass rim to leave her lips. As she moved the unstable glass down onto the coffee table, Chakotay placed his left hand on her forearm to stop her. With a gentle tug he slipped the unstable glass out of her fingers and placed it on the table for her.

Kathryn covered the strain on her face with her left hand, her tears escaping through her fingers. Her skin tingled when his hand entwined his fingers within his and held it firm.

“I’m sorry...Chakotay...that I’ve...ruined...a nice dinner....with my constant crying.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. Sometimes crying is a necessity. It’s not a weakness; it’s human.”

It’s human.

It’s human.

It echoed in the caverns of her mind.

Katheryn has never seen a Q cry. Do they? What do they feel, if they do at all? Her hand was swimming and a sour feeling spread through the pit of her stomach. Her head fell loosely to the side and he placed her in the folds of his arm.

“Help me. Help me forget…” she gulped, “this pain.”

Kathryn felt Chakotay’s hand stroke her hair, causing a cascade of trickling tingles on her scalp. She wiped her wet hand on her leg and the rest of her cheeks before grasping the seylet.

“Tell me how you...and Tuvok had this...idea.”

Chakotay cleared his throat and his voice reverberated in her ear that was pressed against his chest.

“Well, uh, we were having a conversation about my sister and how she had this bear she loved and always made her better about things, even when she got older. Tuvok then said that his daughter…”

Kathryn really wanted to listen to this story but was lulled by his voice.

Chakotay knew by the calm breathing and loosened grips that Kathryn had fallen asleep. He maintained the position as long as he could before he had to move his arm. When he did, he did so very slowly to not wake her. He then moved the furry plush to the side before picking her up. He forgot how sore his arms were as he brought Kathryn over to his bed and laid her head on several pillows. He took off her boots and neatly put them to the side before he placed her combadge on the nightstand. Then, Chakotay grabbed his patterned blanket and draped it over her.

 _‘You’re still so beautiful, Kathryn. I love you,’_ he thought.

He said, “Goodnight, Kathryn.”


	7. The Sword in the Stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thanks to JAlexMac for beta'ing this chapter. :)

The warmth of the sun was on her back and it felt good. Her eyes opened to a slanted view as her head rested on her arms while laying on her side. The slight breeze kissed her cheek as it danced along the grasses. Kathryn could hear birds chirp in the trees scattered around the field. Her head and outstretched arm rested on a small pillow atop of the long blanket. In her scan of the scenery, she could see a ladybug on the precipice of a nearby wildflower. It expanded its wings, readied for takeoff, and flew to wherever the wind took it. The pages of the book next to her fluttered back and forth, not sure whether or not to move ahead in the story without her. Kathryn breathed in the clean air, letting her lungs absorb it all. A black bumblebee whizzed by, obviously in a hurry to get to its next flower. She smiled and closed her eyes to hear the sounds of nature around her.

…

The dream had felt so real that when she opened her eyes she felt a wave of disappointment. Then of uncertainty and confusion. Where was she? She wasn’t in a field. This was not her room and the warmth within started to turn into panic. She saw the sehlat under her arm and the patterned blanket on top of her and it immediately subsided.

 _‘I must have fallen asleep on Chakotay's couch last night,’_ she thought and sighed in relief.

Kathryn looked at the plush and petted it with a crooked smile. She is definitely going to have a conversation with Tuvok about the sehlat and she knows he will squirm. Kathryn got up from the bed and folded the blanket. She pressed the material to her nose and laid it on the bed.

‘Oh, it smells like him,’ she thought as she put her boots and combadge on. She was remembering that lingering familiar scent from New Earth and just started to walk into the living room when she ran into something.

“Oof.”

Or rather someone. “Sorry about that, Kathryn. Are you okay?”

Kathryn had collided with Chakotay when he emerged from the refresher. Chakotay was shirtless with a hand towel around his neck. She could smell sandalwood and cedar from his aftershave. She blushed when she realized her hands were pressed against his chest as his hands gently held the crook of her elbows. Her heartbeat raced in both excitement and uncertainty at the close proximity. Chakotay smiled down at her and she felt some of the uneasiness melt away.

“I’m...surprised you’re here,” she said as she stepped back to release herself from his hands.

“Well, these are _my_ quarters,” Chakotay pointed out.

“I only meant that...aren’t you supposed to be on the bridge now?” she stuttered, trying to avoid looking at his chest.

“No, I have the day off.”

Kathryn rubbed her neck and awkwardly blurted, “Oh, well then. I must be-”

“Have breakfast with me,” he finished her sentence.

Kathryn opened her mouth to protest but Chakotay then added, “It wasn’t a question, Kathryn. You’re off duty, too. The Doctor’s orders.”

Kathryn gave him a look, knowing he had beaten her. With her hand she felt some of the loose tendrils of her hair that had come undone. “Okay, just let me freshen up first,” she said and pointed to the refresher, still catching glances of his smooth, bronze chest.

“Of course. What would you like for breakfast? Oh, and coffee doesn’t count as a food,” he jested.

She furrowed her eyes. “A bagel with cream cheese.”

“And?”

Chakotay wasn’t just going to feed her a bagel. She already didn’t eat enough.

“Some scrambled eggs?” She shrugged.

He pressed on. “And?”

“ _Cha-kotay_ ,” she said, tilting her head. She knew what he was doing.

“I’m flattered. But I’m not part of the breakfast menu,” he boldly said.

Kathryn could feel her cheeks burn and her mouth drop before she quickly covered it with her hand. She was sure he could hear her pounding heart.

Without dropping a beat, Chakotay asked, “How about some fruit?”

She gulped and said, “Sure.”

“Okay, then,” he said with a subtle wink paired with his dimples as he walked past her towards the replicator.

 _‘Did he just say...and did he wink?’_ she thought as she headed into the refresher in disbelief. She washed her face and as she dried it she thought, _‘What am I doing?’_ Her bun had come loose and she decided to put her long hair into a French braided pony trail. No, maybe just a simple braid. It took a little bit longer since she was out of practice and she settled on a long braid. She admitted she had missed her long hair and enjoyed having it back, but it came with pleasant memories of New Earth and unpleasant ones of the holodeck. She didn’t know if she could handle that and she became flustered at deciding if she would cut it.

When she came out to the dining area she found that Chakotay had put a gray shirt on and had just finished putting the cutlery out.

“Breakfast is ready.”

As she walked over she noticed the pillow and the blanket on the couch where he must have slept last night.

Kathryn said, “You could have let me sleep on the couch, Chakotay.”

“No, I couldn’t have,” he said and pulled out a chair for her. She sat down and so did he.

“Oh, it’s been awhile since I have had berries.” She plopped a strawberry in her mouth. The strawberries and blackberries she tasted were sweet as the juices danced across her tongue. It had been awhile since she’d had any kind of fruit and she didn’t know why. It felt like she was tasting them for the first time.

Chakotay watched, knowing she loved berries. “How did you sleep? You were out for at least eleven hours.”

“Actually, I slept quite well.”

Chakotay asked, “Any nightmares?”

“No, I had a very peaceful dream. I don't think I've had one like it in quite awhile either."

“Good. Looks like the dreamcatcher worked. Tell me about it?” He asked as he took a bite of his toast.

“It was a nice, warm, spring day. I believe I was supposed to be in Indiana but it could have been anywhere. I had been reading and relaxed on a picnic blanket surrounded by a large field.”

“That sounds nice.”

“What about you? How did you sleep on the couch?”

“I slept fine.”

“Did you dream?”

“No.”

She noticed his tell. “You’re a horrible liar, Chakotay.”

“Okay, I did dream.”

“Well?” Kathryn asked and leaned in.

“It’s, um, a little embarrassing.” He cleared his throat and brushed his ear.

“Like Tuvok in his naked dream he had that one time?”

“Oh, no, spirits, no,” Chakotay chuckled and shook his head.

With curiosity, she said, “So, tell me.”

He straightened himself up a bit. “So I was walking through a forest, just walking. Then,” he took a drink of his orange juice, “I saw something glaring in the sun.” Then ate a piece of his pancake.

“And?” she urged on and ate a forkful of her scrambled eggs.

“I got closer but I had to squint my eyes a bit due to the glare. I finally reached it and found that it was a sword...in a…” He coughed.

She incredulously said, “Stone?”

“Yes.”

She leaned back in her chair. “What’s embarrassing about that?”

“I couldn't take the sword out. I tried everything,” he downed the rest of the orange juice and took a pitcher to refill it.

“That’s it?” She tapped her plate with her fork, impatiently wheedling. He didn’t say anything but she knew that wasn’t all there was to the story. “Come on, Chakotay! There’s got to be more than that.”

He smiled at her curiosity. His Kathryn was coming back, little by little.

“Someone else tried to take the sword out of the stone. You’d like her.”

Kathryn tilted her head. “Her?”

“Yeah. She was spunky. She thought it was a chance for a 'real warrior' to be able to take it.”

“Oh! Did she?” Kathryn finished the rest of her scrambled eggs.

“No. She got a little upset when I chuckled at her. Especially since she was the one who teased me…”

“I bet.”

“She continued to try to get the sword out to no avail. I went over to tug on the sword to prove that it wouldn't budge. When I did, the sword glided up through the stone and into our hands. It took us by surprise and with the amount of force we had applied, we both fell back onto the ground.”

Kathryn giggled.

Chakotay chuckled. “You and I both laughed and fought over who was the rightful owner of the sword.”

“So it was me? I was the woman?”

“Yes.”

She smiled. “So what was decided? Who got the sword?”

“I don’t know.”

“What?!”

“I woke up,” he said with a shrug.

“Aw.”

This time it was a half-truth. He knew what they did next but he wasn’t going to share that it wasn’t the only “sword” in the mix. It was true that because of that they didn’t have time to decide while they were frolicking on the ground…

“Yep, imagine not being able to know if you won something against the great Kathryn Janeway!” She playfully smacked his arm.

“I guess we can call it a draw if we both did it.”

“Yes, we did.”

They finished the last bites of their food and she stood up.

“Thank you for breakfast, Chakotay. I should get back to my quarters now.”

She turned to leave and heard him say, “Don’t forget your gifts.” She turned around and he walked back before handing her the dreamcatcher and the sehlat. She nodded and he said, “I am going to play a game of velocity in an hour. If you find that you need something to do. Holodeck two. You are more than welcome to join me.”

“Thanks,” she squished a smile and walked out the door.

…

Chakotay sighed as the doors closed. Kathryn did appear to be much better since yesterday after her restful sleep last night. However, that didn’t mean she couldn’t easily fall back into the same state. He cleared the table and looked at her empty plate with a smile. At least she had eaten two full meals in a row. He hated to see her skip meals. Chakotay returned the pillow and the blanket that were on the couch back to their rightful spots.

“Computer, play Chakotay playlist four.”

The jazz music played and he sat down to enjoy his book, The Count of Monte Cristo. He was at a part of the book where Mercedes was starting to catch on to who the Count really was and-

 _‘Janeway to Chakotay,’_ he heard over the comm.

“I’m here.”

 _‘Do you have anything to do with this, commander?’_ He heard a bluntness to her voice.

“Did I have anything to do with what? What are you talking about?”

_'You’ll have to see it to believe it. Come over to my quarters.'_

“On my way,” he quickly bookmarked the page, placed the book down, and hurried over. He was cautious and curious at the same time. She didn’t sound like she was in danger, but still. He hurried to her quarters and froze upon entering.

“Is that...?” He said with astonishment.

“Sure looks like it,” she said blatantly. “I took a shower and when I came back it was here,” she shrugged.

“You’ve _got_ to be kidding me,” he said.

In the middle of her quarters was a sword. In a stone. Chakotay got closer to examine it. He could see the letters, “Excali-” on the blade, cut off by the rock.

“So what should we do? I already scanned it and the tricorder confirmed. It says it is exactly what we see with our own eyes.”

His eyes sparkled as he said, “There’s only one way to find out.”

Kathryn said, “You don’t suggest that-”

Chakotay smiled. “Yes, I do. I’ll go first, just in case it’s something else.”

She cautioned, “Be careful! We don’t know where it came from.”

Kathryn folded her arms and stared at him. Earlier she realized that Chakotay didn’t originally have today off. He must have put it in the duty roster yesterday and she knew he did it for her. Now he looked like a kid in a candy store.

“Okay,” he said. He rubbed his hands together and grasped the handle.

“Ha!” She let out at his look of silly seriousness and the attention he gave it. He looked up with a glare and lifted his eyebrow. She pressed her hand over her mouth and cheeks to hide her smile. Chakotay focused back on the task at hand and tried as hard as he could to no avail.

She said, “I guess it’s my turn. Move over, hot stuff.”

Chakotay was taken aback and then gestured to the sword, “It’s all yours.”

Kathryn tried and she could see his smirking smile.

“Is that all you’ve got captain?” he joked.

“My first officer could do no better,” she sauntered.

“True. I guess we’ll have to do it together.”

“Yes."

They each put their hands on the sword.

“On the count of three. One.”

“Two.”

“Three!”

The sword came out with a whoosh and a grunt. “Ow!” Chakotay punched himself in the face as they took the sword out.

“Are you okay?” she chuckled.

He rubbed his cheek and jaw a little. “Yeah, but I don’t know about my ego.”

“Hmpf,” she sounded and looked at the sword in their hands. Chakotay moved it so they could read the inscription.

Excalibur was the name that shined on one side. The hilt glistened with rubies on both sides. Her stomach dropped when she realized what the sword was.

 _‘Could it really be?’_ she thought and stared without realizing it.

“What is it?” Chakotay looked right at her and rested the tip of the sword against the floor. Her face went ashen in a matter of seconds. Chakotay placed a hand on her shoulder and said, “Tell me.”

“Drop it,” the captain said.

“Drop it?” He asked.

“Drop the sword!” she commanded with a shriek.

Chakotay quickly tossed it on the couch.

“Doesn’t the sword look familiar to you, except for the name?”

Chakotay looked down at the sword and said, "The Q sword?”

The look she gave confirmed it.

“You think that Q put it here?”

Then there was a knock at the door to her quarters. Kathryn and Chakotay gave each other questioning looks.

“Come in?” Kathyn said.

Q walked in and Chakotay noticed Kathryn immediately stiffen. Chakotay stepped a step in front of her so she could feel there was a barrier there in case she needed it. Q only took a few steps in and stopped, gesturing to the sword. “This is a little gift for you, Captain. Commander. No, it is not the Q weapon. This is, in fact, the real sword that inspired the Excalibur myth. Well, not really a myth… but that's another story. Captain, once again, I apologize. I know my recent appearances have caused great distress and injury this time, especially to you. I was made aware that you are concerned about the Q Continuum’s allegiances.”

Chakotay looked at Kathryn’s stoic face and then back at Q.

“I assure you that we have no wish or desire to harm humans. I am not just talking about myself but the entire Continuum. Yes, I know that Q was a threat but I can assure you that a Q like that no longer exists and that the commander did kill Q. You once said, ‘That the Q, as an omnipotent race, have an opportunity to be a positive force to set a higher standard for other beings in the galaxy.’ And we have, but one of the figures from our past Q cast a dark shadow over the Continuum. I make a formal apology on the Q’s behalf to your crew, and especially to you. I shouldn’t have interfered, but I just couldn’t take your Ensign Eager’s morose clarinet solos anymore.”

Q looked like he mulled over that thought and then shook his head to forget it.

“Anyway, although you humans can be odd at times, you make our existence interesting...like with your odd fascination with swords. So, it’s yours.”

He headed back towards the door and just before the door closed behind him, Q said, “By the way, you two looked so adorable trying to take the sword out of that stone." The door closed.

Chakotay watched the woman blush and let out a large sigh. He was trying to determine which kind of sigh it was and after a while he realized it was a sigh of relief. He said, “It looks like Q addressed some major concerns you had.”

“Yes.”

"You didn't trust the Q anymore?"

Her voice deepened. "I don't know if I did."

“And now?”

“I know Q tells the truth. I do feel a bit relieved with what he said and it does help. I can forgive Q but it may take a bit longer to earn that forgiveness.”

Chakotay looked at the sword. “Well, it looks like Q left a peace offering. I think the sword would look good over there,” he motioned over towards the bulkhead over her couch.

“Oh, no, you should keep it. You always liked archaeology and anthropology. Plus, you’re the swordsman,” she said in a livelier voice and a smirk.

He smiled. “I’ve got an idea. How about we share it. How about we pass it back and forth to each other; To whoever is having a tough day or when we feel that the other needs it.”

“Sounds good. But you should have it first. I think you deserve it after everything that has happened." She looked at the sehlet and added, “I’ve got a fuzzy Vulcan teddy bear in the meantime for comfort.”

“You know, a stuffed animal can only give so much comfort." He stepped closer to her. "But I think there's a better option."

"And what may that be?"

Chakotay got very close. “Me,” he husked before he caressed her face and kissed her.

…

Kathryn watched it happen in slow motion and she was frozen. Her mind shut down as a tingling feeling from his touch rushed from her head to her toes. The kiss was tender and gentle on her mouth. Her eyelashes fluttered when his warm lips pressed onto hers and took her breath away. She didn’t know how long the kiss lasted. Kathryn remembered when she was young and Phoebe was in her boy craze faze.

_Phoebe said, “If it only lasts five seconds, he’s not that into you. If the kiss lasts ten seconds, he likes you. If it lasts more than fifteen…”_

_“Okay, okay. I get it. Calm down, Phoebe,” she had said and rolled her eyes as she continued to read The Road to Quantum Mechanics Magazine on the porch._

Her heart pounded. She knew she was safe. She knew she was safe. He wasn't a Q. He wasn't Quarrel. He was Chakotay. Her first officer. Her friend. Her...

Kathryn would say that it was definitely more than fifteen seconds. Her arms hung at her side, useless. When Chakotay’s lips released from hers she could feel the warm imprint left behind on hers.

…

Chakotay went in before he realized what he was doing. Initially, he planned on a hug, but as he drew closer to her face he could smell the lavender she was wearing. She wore her hair in the same style as she had on New Earth and a wave of emotions hit him. Her scent filled his senses and his hand went on towards her cheek and his face made contact with hers.

What would Kathryn do once he let go? He decided to relish every second of the kiss, his heart pounding like drums in his chest, thinking that the kiss could end as quickly as it had started.

Chakotay backed off the kiss just a few inches away from her face. It took every fiber of his being to do it. Then, he said in almost a whisper, “How was that?”

“I...I don’t know,” she whispered.

Chakotay tried to read her face and he was worried she was going to end it. It was too soon. A few seconds lingered. He was bracing for Kathryn to say no to all of it and spout on about protocols. He straightened his head and let go of her cheek. Chakotay suddenly felt as if he was fifteen years old and just had a bad attempt at a first kiss. He looked down and said, "I was too forward. I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t-”

"It's not that...well, maybe it is, partially. You...just caught me off guard. I know I'm safe with you, Chakotay. I just needed to process what was happening. I was surprised and most of my surprises recently have been, you know...”

Chakotay swallowed and nodded.

“But that doesn’t mean I won't do it again.”

Her first officer gulped and looked up at her, wondering if Kathryn really just said what she said. He saw her shy smile and it was confirmed. He was even more nervous and didn't want to hurt her or make things worse for both of them.

"Kathryn, are you sure?"

"Yes, I’m sure."

He slipped a hand around her waist and the other through her hair. Kathryn placed her hands on his waist. This time they met in the middle and their lips and tongues slid into their mouths as they tasted each other.

Kathryn felt intoxicated but she knew it was because of all the pheromones and serotonin flowing within. Oh, it felt good and it was growing even more intensely. The warmth of his soft mouth felt like a blanket wrapped around her. Then she suddenly pushed him away. “Stop, stop!”

“Okay. We don't have to do this. Are you okay?” he said, concerned she was truly backing out this time.

“I just need to catch my breath!” She chuckled.

Chakotay’s dimples came out and he chuckled as well. “So, how was that?”

“Really, really good.”

“I thought it was excellent,” he said.

Kathryn said, “Hopefully we’ll still have energy and enough breath for Velocity.”

Chakotay said, “Oh my gosh, I almost forgot!”

He asked for the time from the computer and listened to its reply. “We’re still fine. We have some time. So, you are joining me for velocity, then?”

She nodded.

“This will be our first date,” he said.

“Date?”

Chakotay pulled her closer. “Go on a date with me, Kathryn.”

He bore his brown eyes into her blue ones. It was hypnotizing, to be sure. “Okay,” she said with a nod and a smile.

“Okay? Okay, then!” he said, his heart bursting inside.


	8. Unsheathed

It had been over a week since they found Excalibur and had their first date.

When Kathryn returned to her quarters that same night, she didn't feel comfortable being alone in her quarters, even with the dreamcatcher. In the back of her mind she still felt that she could be plucked from her quarters in an instant by some cosmic entity. She couldn’t even lay down in her bed and laying down on the couch caused her to be restless. Eventually, she made her way to his quarters and of course Chakotay understood. She felt safe around him, even though, at times, she could feel that Chakotay had felt he had let her down during the holodeck scenario.

They would alternate where she would sleep the next several weeks. Sometimes it would be in her quarters and sometimes it would be in his. The pattern of the night was the same. They would just talk or read until Kathryn fell asleep. One of them would sleep with one in the bed and the other would sleep on the couch. Then, one night on the couch, they ended falling asleep together in each other’s arms. Eventually, she became comfortable enough to sleep next to him in bed snuggle against his warm, sturdy frame. Kathryn was content and so was Chakotay.

….

  
A month later.

Kathryn and Chakotay decided to keep their new relationship slow and under wraps. Well, as slow as they could manage, that is.

“I thought that was it; we were done for.” The Captain sat down on the couch of her ready room with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“You’re being paranoid,” Chakotay said, sipping his tea besides her.

She furrowed her brows and gave a shake of the head. “I swear Ensign McKinney caught you grabbing my ass earlier.”

“No, she didn’t. The turbolift doors had closed by then.”

“You’re incorrigible,” she replied.

He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I can’t help it if you have a nice ass. Nice and smooth...” He licked his lower lip and then he gave her a wink.

She gave him a light shove and a chuckle. “Chakotay!”

The door chimed.

“That _better_ not be McKinney.” She wagged a finger at him. “Come in.”

Seven entered with a PADD in her hand. “Here’s the latest astrophysics report, captain,” she handed it to Captain Janeway.

“Thank you, Seven.” Seven gave a nod and left as swiftly as she had arrived.

Kathryn faced back towards Chakotay and pointed a finger to his chest. “For all I know, even Seven knows about us because of your naughtiness.”

They both heard a knocking sound and looked at each other in confusion.

“Don’t worry. Nobody else knows. Well, no one except us, for now.” Chakotay and Kathryn knew that voice wasn’t theirs. They turned to look and see that Q was sitting at her desk with his feet crossed on it.

“Q!” they both said.

“I knocked,” Q said in a sassy tone with an outstretched hand. He then looked at Chakotay, “I think your first officer is growing on me. I like where his head is at, or rather, where his eyes are at. I am more of a breast man myself, but that’s just my viewpoint.”

The Captain said, “Really? I would have expected ass. You sure like to emulate one, Q.” She gave her withering glare. “Why have you been spying on us?”

“Is it _really_ spying when you know everything that is happening in the universe?”

Kathryn’s raised eyebrow told him she wasn’t buying it.

“Okay, so what if I am? Are you two going to throw me into the brig? Oh, I shouldn’t be giving you more _naughty_ ideas.” He opened his mouth with feigned shock and winked.

“Why?”

He put his hands behind his head and smiled. “Well, female Q and junior had persuaded me to check in on you two to make sure everything was going fine with the two of you. And by the look of things, they are _smokin’_.”

Chakotay and Kathryn said nothing but there was an array of shocked, shy, and embarrassed expressions.

“It looks like my job here is done.” Then, in a flash, he was gone.

Chakotay stood and placed his cup in the recycler. “So now he’s Q-Pid?”

She rolled her eyes. “Apparently.”

Chakotay snuck her a quick kiss on the cheek and said, “See you on the bridge!” He left before she could lecture him about his roving hands once more.

…

“Tom. Tom!”

“Wha-at?” Tom moved his gaze back to B’Elanna, who sat across from him at the table.

“Stop it. You're staring like a borderline stalker.” B’Elanna said before eating a forkful of her dinner.

“They’re acting strange.”

“The Captain and Chakotay?”

“Yes. I think they’re together.” Tom took a drink of his water.

B’Elanna responded, “They are in a good mood, but that doesn’t mean they’re _together_.”

“It’s not just today. They’ve been like that for awhile. At first, It thought they were just mending the friendship but now appears to be more than that. Even Neelix has said he’s never seen morale higher.”

B’Elanna’s voice filled with sarcasm tinged with curiosity. “Really?”

“Yes.” Tom looked to his left and to his right and leaned in. “Chakotay’s been spending more time in the ready room. All their extra time is spent together. Chakotay even does a little jog to catch her in the turbolift after duty.”

She scoffed at him and shook her head. “Okay, now you are stalking.”

“See for yourself. Look! In the corner. Look at how they are looking at each other.”

She sighed and looked at the couple. Her two commanding officers had hardly touched their food, even though they had arrived at the mess hall before them. Chakotay and Kathryn hardly looked away as they talked because they were so focused on the other. Chakotay had a grin on his face and the Captain’s face was a touch of glowing pink.

 _‘Tom may be right.’_ B’Elanna thought before she went back to eating.

“Well? Am I right or am I right?”

“Shut up and eat your food before it gets cold, Tom,” she responded, suppressing a internal grin.

…

“Did anyone see you?”

“No.” Chakotay said before putting his mouth on hers and wrapped his arms around her.

“Chakotay!” Kathryn laughed at his impatience.

“I’ve been waiting for this all day,” his husky voice said.

With an incredulous look, Kathryn exasperated, “We just saw each other not less than twelve minutes ago!”

He peppered her with kisses. “Too long. Especially-*kiss*-when you-*kiss* “-told off-*kiss* -that Aurelian.”

Kathryn giggled at her ticklishness resulting from the neck kisses.

Chakotay husked, “Oh, I love to make you giggle and squirm.”

She would have responded if she had not been so diverted by the tingling sensations. He stifled a last giggle by placing his mouth on hers. Kathryn pressed her body flush against him and he against her. Chakotay unzipped her uniform jacket and moved it down her arms until it fell onto the ground. Next, he started to lift the edges of her shirt, pausing to feel the smooth skin across her stomach. His hand felt her marbled skin react with a ticklish jolt. Chakotay lifted the shirt as Kathryn put her hands up in the air. She followed suit and removed his jacket and shirt with some help. Her hands felt the muscles on his chest and arms.

“These must be the results from boxing. I approve.”

He bent his head down to her. “And sword fighting. I got some good exercise out of it.”

“Oooh. My knight is keeping up with his sword skills.” Kathryn made a saucy smile.

“Yeah, I thought you’d like that.”

They continued to make out and he grabbed both of her butt cheeks. She gave a chirp and a moan with each squeeze. When he slipped his hands under her bra and onto her breasts the sounds changed to small pleasurable cries.

“Tonight?” he asked, hoping she would say yes.

“Tonight,” she husked.

Chakotay decided to pick her up and marched her over his shoulders towards the bedroom.

The most they had permitted themselves in the past was touching with clothes on. They agreed that at the right time they could have a sexual relationship. Kathryn couldn’t remember the last time she was hoisted over someone's shoulder and chuckled nervously. She felt so tall and out of her control that she started to worry if she would fall. Of course, he didn’t let her fall and would never let her fall.

Chakotay gently laid her down across her bed with her legs dangling on its edge. He took off her boots and socks. The Captain beckoned her Commander forward with a crooked finger. He quickly unzipped his pants and dropped them to his ankles. He was so excited that he tripped while trying to take off his boots and socks simultaneously.

However, Kathryn had burst out laughing even before the stumble. She raised her eyebrows and stated, “Those aren’t Starfleet issue, Commander.”

His black boxers had red hearts covering them.

A throaty laugh came from him on the floor. “No, no they’re not. I just wanted to make sure that you were comfortable when we decided it was time.”

Kathryn bit her lip. “That’s so sweet.” She felt her cheeks become warm and hard as she grinned like a fool.

He popped up and leaned against her knees. “You’re the sweet one and a ticklish one.” He kissed her. “And a smart one.” He lifted her legs and rotated them so that she was properly laying on the bed. “And a beautiful one.”

“Oh, what flattery!”

“Oh, I’ll give you more than flattery, Captain.” He climbed onto the bed over her.

“Please do, Commander,” Kathryn urged with fire in her eyes. She felt her bra unclasp and his fingers slowly moved the straps from her shoulders as if he was slowly unwrapping a present. It was slipped off and tossed aside. She felt him knead her breasts before kissing them and suckling them. As he did so, she started to wiggle her underwear down.

She could not believe this was happening but she wanted it badly. She wanted him more than anything. Surprisingly, she was shaking like a leaf but yet, so was he. He had the right idea about the boxers.

Kathryn started to make way on the boxers but could only shrug them down so far.

“I’ll do the rest.” Chakotay said and took off both of their remaining underwear, stripping them completely naked.

“Nice team effort,” she said.

He took her hand to his lips and kissed her inner wrist. “Absolutely. Let’s see how well we work together with this next part.” Chakotay arched his body close to hers and used his leg to spread her thighs open. He guided his way into her and slowly pushed within.

“Oh,” she uttered and clutched his shoulder.

He stopped moving. “Did I hurt you? Is it too much?”

“No, it’s just a little snug. Continue to make love to me, Chakotay.”

Kathryn felt him gently rock her body as her walls started to relax and sounds of sighs and moans escaped. She moved her hands down his chest and around his back. Chakotay took hold of her legs and wrapped them around his waist when her walls allowed him to go deeper. She arched her head and back into the soft sheets with his tender thrusts. She met his mouth and her moans echoed into the cavern. She felt him moving faster and her head was spinning as their sweaty bodies moved against each other in tandem. She could hear every breath hang in the air. Chakotay’s moans started to fill her mouth while their heartbeats and breathing patterns reached dangerously high levels. It was as if they were the only ones making love in the universe. She clenched his skin for dear life as they both climaxed. In their cries, the last few thrusts were torture as she turned into gelatin. When he stopped moving she could feel the pulsating and throbbing down below. Her body quivered around it.

“I love you so much, Kathryn,” Chakotay expressed with love in his eyes and stroked her hair and her cheek.

“I love you, Chakotay.” She meant it and reached his cheek with her hand.

After a kiss, he fell onto his back and slid his hand into hers. Their fingers intertwined and held on as their naked bodies cooled down.

“Let me know when you’re ready for round two,” he said and looked over to her with a cheeky grin.

“Round two?”

He nodded.

She giggled in her afterglow. “Alright, then. Let me just savor this experience first!”


	9. Camelot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The finale. Thank you for reading. <3

A few months later.

“Can you believe it? This time tomorrow we can be in the Alpha Quadrant,” Chakotay said in her quarters.

“I know,” Kathryn stared at the peas on her plate.

“Heyyy,” Chakotay soothed and reached over the table and took her hand to give it a squeeze. “Your mind is a million lightyears away.”

Kathryn sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just a bit tired from getting the Admiral’s ship ready and I’m still just used to these kinds of things blowing up in our faces.”

“I know you’re worried about how our crew will handle tomorrow but everything is ready to go and all we have to do to let it play out. On a side note, we haven’t talked about what will happen if we do manage to get to Earth.”

“Well, I’m sure they’ll give those who decide to continue with Starfleet some time off. I will need to see my family in Indiana. My mother and sister would kill me if I wasn’t there as soon as I was released.”

“I bet. I’ve met one Janeway. Two more? What a handful!” Chakotay smiled. The Captain slightly smirked, not all the way to her eyes, and not as much as he wanted her to smile, but at least she was smiling.

Kathryn said, “I’m sure you want to see your sister.”

“Of course,” Chakotay said, “and to see Dorvan V.”

She nodded.

Chakotay asked, “Would you continue to captain Voyager?”

She paused for a moment and said, “I know I’ll continue in Starfleet in some shape or form. Command will probably offer one or two position possibilities if they do. I will either be to continue to captain a starship or become a vice admiral.”

“Which would you choose?”

“I don’t know. I entered as a scientist and command fell into my lap at Admiral Paris’ suggestion. Captaincy comes with its exploration and new discoveries. My father was an admiral, but I never had really thought about the position too seriously since that was seen to be so far away. Admiralty would mean a desk job and less of an opportunity to be out in space, yet I may have opportunities to influence further research. Both captaincy and admiralty have their appeals.”

He nodded.

Kathryn asked, “What about you? I know the former Maquis and Equinox crews will have some proceedings to go through. Once that’s done I’m sure the former Maquis will either be discharged or be allowed to continue in Starfleet.”

“I hope. I’ll continue with Starfleet if they’ll allow me.”

“You will?” she said with a hint of surprise.

“Yes, either on a ship or check professorships. I did teach before the Maquis, after all.”

“How hard were you on your students?”

“Well…” he gestured with a slight wince and shrugged his shoulders.

“Ooh. A tough professor.”

Chakotay said warmly, “I’m sure you would’ve passed with flying colors.”

Kathryn leaned over the dining table. “Because of tactical skills or because I’m sleeping with the teacher?”

“Both,” he chuckled.

She made a sly smile. “You should visit Indiana with me. I don’t think I can handle all the questions my mother and sister will throw at me.”

“Will you be using me as a human shield?”

“Perhaps,” she shrugged.

“Should I bring the sword as backup?”

Kathryn joked, “I think you’ll be okay.”

“If you say so,” he raised his brows.

…

They did it. They made it to Earth. Tom and B’Elanna had their baby. The debriefings were over. The former Maquis were offered positions to stay if they wanted to continue with Starfleet. The former Equinox crew were discharged and put under observation. Captain Janeway was offered the position of vice admiral. Chakotay had been offered a captain position since all teaching positions were filled at the Academy. Their relationship was still under wraps and they decided they would take some time to either accept or reject the positions.

Kathryn was fidgeting with the clasp to her necklace. Tonight is the ball Starfleet is holding before everyone moves on with their lives. It has been so long since she has had to dress up in formal attire, especially attire that was not a dress uniform. She decided to go with a shimmery forest green dress with simple, long spaghetti straps with a draping neckline and back. It had a little bit of a plunge in the back but it was not enough to be too indiscrete. She finally managed to lock the clasp. Now, the main challenge was putting her black heels on and remembering how to walk in heels.

Oh, she wished she wasn’t the only one in her temporary quarters. She had left Chakotay to get ready an hour and a half ago. They decided to meet up at the ballroom to avoid suspicion. Chakotay had said he wanted to be just as surprised as anyone else with the dress she chose to wear. Many of the relatives of Voyager’s crew within transporter range would be in attendance. Her mother and sister are going to be at the ball later that evening. Kathryn sat on her bed and breathed out a nervous sigh as soon as she put the heels on. She was uncomfortable. She was uncomfortable dressing up but she felt more anxious than she thought she would be. This was also a big goodbye to most of the crew and she wouldn’t be seeing the bridge crew every day anymore. Couldn’t she just not go to the ball and say she did?

 _‘Oh, come on, Kathryn. It's supposed to be fun. You’ve faced much worse,’_ she told herself.

…

She arrived fifteen minutes early at the transporter pad to the side of the ballroom building. Kathryn walked up the steps hoping she wouldn’t trip in her heels. She could hear the music playing out of one of the open doors before she took the plunge and walked in. A decent amount of people had arrived, with about forty percent of the crew in attendance so far. So far, she saw the Delaney sisters, Harry, and Sam. She wasn’t surprised that she did not see Tom and B’Elanna yet because of Miral. Their captain looked for Chakotay but she didn’t see him in the ballroom. Kathryn felt like a teenager at a school dance without her friends. Her hand went to her neck in anxiety although her face was plastered with content. It was odd. Seven years with her first officer at her side and with the Q incident still fresh in her mind, she felt ill at ease whenever she was not near him. She hadn’t explained this to her new counselor and had hoped it was temporary. Honestly, she felt embarrassed at what she felt could be seen as desperation and neediness. It wasn’t too bad when the crew was also around her, but they would soon be gone. She bit her lip, trying to submerge the rising anxiety, and closed her eyes.

Then she felt two taps on her shoulder.

She turned around and her fears lifted. Chakotay was standing there in his black tux. “Oh, thank goodness! I thought I might have to stand in the corner and hide.”

Chakotay’s face lit up and then it fell slightly. He said, “What’s wrong?”

Kathryn looked him over and said, “You know, what? I never imagined you in a suit or tux before.” She leaned in and said, “You look handsome,” before she returned back to her normal stance.

“Kathryn, tell me what’s wrong,” her lover asked softly.

“Nothing is wrong.”

Chakotay tilted his head.

“It’s nothing,” she assured him.

He let it slide. Chakotay also leaned in and whispered, “You look absolutely gorgeous, Kathryn. I should take you back to my quarters and find where the plunge in the back of your dress goes.” He took a finger and ran it down her spine while still observing to see if anyone was looking.

After a sharp intake she teased, “Oh, you’ll have to wait, Commander.”

Continuing to stroke her back Chakotay said, “That’s a pity. We haven’t really really been able to see each other outside of the debriefings.”

“I know and they want us to give speeches. I’m already worn out. At least I had a day free to find out what to wear. If not, I would’ve said to hell with it and wear my dress uniform.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” he said with a twinkle in his eye and Kathryn smiled.

…

The event officially began with Admiral Paris welcoming the Voyager crew. Starfleet brass, family, and friends are in attendance. Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay made their speeches about the crew and the last seven years. After great applause, the crowd sat at their assigned tables for dinner. Kathryn’s table consisted of her mother, her sister, and the Starfleet brass. Some were family friends and some were some not. Kathryn wished Chakotay was assigned to her table with others from the bridge crew but they were assigned to a nearby table.

“As I was saying, we are mapping the quadrants incorrectly. Stellar cartography is based too much on…” Admiral Harrington was conversing with the entire table.

Phoebe whispered to Kathryn, “Not this again. Seriously. Katie, if you don’t accept the admiralty so that you do not have to deal with this guy, I completely understand.”

Kathryn had to stifle a laugh and whispered back, “At least he’s not an admiral who talks one’s ear off. However, I’m sure if he was still a captain he would’ve won more battles because his enemies would have surrendered out of sheer boredom.”

Phoebe covered to hide her laugh. “Good thing dad wasn’t like that.”

Kathryn leaned back to her regular position. “Good thing.”

…

“Should we save her?” Tom said as he ate a bread roll while he looked towards the captain’s table.

“The captain does look bored,” Harry replied.

“You’ll risk being drawn into that conversation. I’m not going in if you’re stuck in it,” said B’Elanna.

Chakotay ate his salad and looked at the nearby table and just listened.

“You should go, Chakotay,” Tom said.

“Thanks, Tom, for trying to sacrifice me. They’ll probably think it’s some sort of Maquis plot.” He looked around, “Well, everyone except for you, Harry.” The table laughed in response. “No, the Captain’s got this. It looks like her sister does, too.”

…

The meal was over and the dancing began. Tom asked B'Elanna onto the dance floor. Harry nervously asked one of the Delaney sisters to dance, Ayala and Sam were dancing with their spouses, and Kathryn was dancing with an Admiral Broderick from her table. Chakotay stood watching the dancing scene before him.

“Commander, would you dance with me?” Seven asked from beside him.

“Sure, Seven.”

...

Kathryn thought Admiral Broderick wasn’t a bad dancer and was thankful that he wasn’t too chatty. She looked around and saw the others dancing. Chakotay was dancing with Seven, who appeared stiff in her movements. Kathryn smiled as she watched Seven dance. She and Chakotay had agreed to dance with a variety of people while they kept their relationship private. He had danced with various crew members. She had danced with a mix of the brass and the Voyager crew, including a very nervous Lieutenant Barclay.

“I believe it’s my turn to cut in,” a voice said from behind her. “May I have this dance, Captain?”

“She’s all y-yours, Commander,” said Barclay before he made a slight bow and walked away.

Once Barclay was out of earshot she teased, “Took you long enough.” She took his large hand in hers and they started to dance to a swing-like tune with his other hand wrapped around her waist.

“I had to check out the competition. You know, tactics.” Chakotay smiled.

“I see. Of course.”

“How’s sitting at the brass table?”

Kathryn exasperated, “Oh! Let’s just say that I’m glad most of the conversations are over.”

“It looked like Vice Admiral Hinckley couldn’t tear his eyes off of you. In fact,” he nodded towards a certain direction, “I still think he’s looking.”

She looked in the direction and there, in fact, was a Hinckley looking in their direction with great attention focused on her.

“Jealous?” she teased as she looked back at him.

“I would be… if I thought he was a threat,” he said casually with a shrug.

She laughed.

He added, “Yeah. Anyways, you already have me. So, have you gotten the clear for me to visit the Janeway household?”

“I just told them I was inviting someone from the crew. Mom said it was fine. She asked who but I said she will find out tomorrow. Trust me, it’s safer if she doesn’t know yet.”

“Is your mother that fearsome?” His dimples popped.

Kathryn shook her head. “No. She would just be hounding you with questions.”

“Ah. Okay, then.”

Chakotay asked, What was bothering you earlier?”

She shook her head. “It’s silly.”

“I’m sure it’s not silly.”

“I-Well, it’s just that-”

He could tell she was getting flustered.

She gulped. “When I’m separated from you... I start to panic internally.”

“Even at a table away or in the same building?”

“No, I am fine with you in the same building. It’s when you are out of range and I cannot see you.”

“Well, we were at each other’s side for seven years.”

Kathryn’s voice dropped. “It’s not just that. I think it goes deeper than that.”

He nodded. “Okay, I understand. Have you told a counselor?”

“No.”

“Kathryn.”

“I thought it would get better over time.”

“You need to talk to them.”

“I will.”

Chakotay looked at her.

“I will, Chakotay.”

“Okay. Just remember that we’re on Earth. We’re not a starship lost in space and you’re not responsible for anything or anyone right now. It will take some time but this too shall pass.”

Kathryn nodded. “You always know exactly what to say.”

Chakotay plainly said, Hey, that’s why they pay me the big bucks.”

She giggled. The song eventually ended and before he moved away Chakotay said, “I’m not far away. I’ll dance with you again soon. ”

“Sounds good to me.”

…

Dessert was served and the guests took a breather from dancing.

“Neelix would have loved all of this,” Sam said as she visited Chakotay’s table with her husband and Naomi.

“Of course he would be asking for all of the recipes and preparation instructions,” said Harry.

“So, how many people have you danced with, Naomi?” Tom asked.

“With the exception of you and Harry? Ten.”

“Naomi, you should dance with Chakotay next,” B’Elanna with a smile.

Naomi looked a little shy and Chakotay looked over. “I swear I won’t step on your feet. How about after I finish this dessert?” Chakotay said with a wink.

“That sounds acceptable, Commander,” Naomi said and they all gave a small chuckle.

Kathryn saw Chakotay dancing with Naomi and thought it would be a good time to ask her own nephew to dance. Phoebe’s husband and son had joined them later. After the dance with her nephew, Kathryn said to him, “See that little girl, John? Her name is Naomi. Ask her to dance. If you mention I’m your aunt she’ll accept even quicker.”

“Uh, okay, Auntie.”

She watched her little nephew nervously ask in his little suit for a dance and Chakotay nodded. Chakotay walked over to Kathryn. “I see you are using your own tactics.”

“Perhaps.”

A slow song played and he stuck a hand out to her. She took it and they started to dance.

“These heels do help in not making me feel so short right now.”

“Ah, I like them because it’s harder for you to avoid my gaze. That’s one thing Naomi did.”

“She did?”

“She was so shy it was adorable. After awhile I got her to warm up.”

Kathryn said, “It’s easy to be intimidated by someone so tall, dark, and handsome. Especially the first officer.”

Chakotay asked her, “Were you intimidated?”

“Intimidated is not the right word.”

“What is the right word, then?” His eyes twinkled.

“Distracted,” she giggled.

“What is it?” Chakotay saw the thinking look cover her face.

“The command team is slow dancing. I’m sure we are being watched.” They continued to dance, knowing there were many pairs of eyes on them.

“Let them watch,” he stated and he stopped dancing.

Kathryn thought he was going to kiss her. Instead, Chakotay took something out of his pocket and kneeled down in front of her. Her jaw slowly dropped as the realization of what he was doing hit her.

“It’s been seven years since we first met. In that time you have captured my heart. We have served side-by-side and wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to be at your side for the rest of my life…” his voice faltered and she pursed her lips to try to keep her tears from falling.

“...Kathryn Janeway,” he presented a diamond ring, “Will you join me on a journey of a lifetime and be my wife?”

It was deadpan quiet in the ballroom. She didn’t even realize the music had stopped. Her words tried to come out but she struggled to get them out.

“Yes. Yes, of course I will,” she managed to say. Chakotay slipped the ring onto her finger and rose to kiss her. The ballroom exploded in cheers and claps and she buried his face in his shoulder.

“Are you happy, Kathryn?”

“Yes, I am very happy. I’m shaking.”

“Here. I think you also need this.” He pulled out his pocket handkerchief and handed it to her. She wiped her eyes and nose.

“Oh, Kathryn! I’m so happy for you,” Gretchen Janeway approached with open arms. Kathryn released Chakotay and gave her a hug,

“He’s the one who’s coming over tomorrow, mom.”

“I know. He told me,” Gretchen replied and they released the hug.

Kathryn said, “What? He told you?” She glanced at Chakotay. Gretchen took Chakotay’s arm and said, “He called me a few days ago saying that he was going to propose and wanted to get my blessing.”

She looked at Chakotay and said, “He did?”

Phoebe came up and hugged Kathryn. “Yeah, but not after we grilled him, of course.”

Chakotay said with pronounced dimples, “It was pretty tough but I did it.”

“Well, it’s about time!” Tom’s voice rang out as he, B’Elanna, Harry, Sam, Naomi, Seven, and the Doctor approached. The only one missing was Tuvok, who was already receiving treatment on Vulcan.

They gave hugs and handshakes to the newly engaged couple.

“Too bad we are missing some people,” Kathryn said.

Phoebe chirped, “Don’t worry, Katie. My hubby recorded all of it.”

…

After many congratulations and questions about how long they had been together, Chakotay felt that they needed a break.

“Tom!” he called out in a hushed voice and waved him over.

Tom came over and said, “Yeah?”

“We need to slip away from the crowd for a little bit. Can you cover us?”

Tom smiled and said, “Absolutely!”

Chakotay took Kathryn’s hand and quickly walked her out of the building and into the night air. They went down the steps.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“There’s a little spot I discovered the other day. You’ll see.”

After a few minutes, they reached a spot surrounded by roses and trees.

“Here we are. I thought it might be a good place to just focus on us for a little bit.”

Still hand-in-hand, she pulled him along as she smelled the roses.

“It’s a lovely spot. This place wasn’t here before. Boothby must have expanded his garden.”

“Come here,” he said and pulled her close for a drawn-out kiss.

“How long have you been planning all of this?”

“I used my rations to create the ring ever since we both said we loved each other on Voyager. I almost asked you on the bridge when we arrived in the Alpha Quadrant but I knew you would be busy and under great stress. Plus, I thought your mom wouldn’t forgive me if she wasn’t included. Once the ball was announced, I contacted your family home in Indiana after some digging. My sister already knows and she wanted a recording until we could meet her.”

Kathryn raised her brows. “You’ve thought of it all.”

“Not what comes next. That will be up to the both of us.”

“Like where we’ll live? The wedding? Our positions?”

“You can choose whatever position you want, Kathryn.”

“I think I want to be an admiral.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I also want to get married before our leave is over so everyone can come before their new assignments. I don’t want to be engaged for years again.”

“Okay.”

“You should take the captainship, Chakotay.”

“We can talk about that later. Right now, I just want to do this.” Chakotay brushed a hair behind his ear and pressed his lips on hers and his fingers trailed down the side of her neck. He walked her backwards and against a tree. She shivered at the tingling stroking of her arms. His kisses on her neck made her let out small gasps and she wrapped her hands around his neck.

“I love you, Chakotay.”

“I love you, too, Kathryn.”

Q smiled and clapped his son on the back from afar. “It worked. Let’s go home.”

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own rights to Voyager.
> 
> Originally written March-April 5th of 2020. Finished typing up January and realized it needed some fixes since my writing has improved since ..and then I rewrote third of it. LOL
> 
> Rewritten/edited January-February 2021. Completed 02/14/2021.


End file.
